The Murder Blog by Sandra Gardner

Author:Sandra Gardner [Gardner, Sandra]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-12-27T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 67

I kept shaking till I got on the bus back to Woodstock and made an emergency appointment with Gwen. Thank God she was available.

I sank into my usual chair and took a couple of deep breaths, hoping it would not lead to hyperventilation. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”

Gwen looked at me. “Not at all. You’re obviously upset. What’s going on?”

I looked down at my lap. “Barry,” I whispered. “He…”

“Take it easy, Phil. Just let it happen.” Her voice was kind.

I took another deep breath and told her about my horrible experience, finishing with, “I think, I hope, I’ve learned my lesson. You were so right on target about my risk-taking.” I gave her a shaky smile.

Gwen peered at me over her glasses. “Never mind about my being right. It’s important that you realize how dangerous some of your choices could be. It sounds like this person is very sadistic and could do you real harm.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life, especially that horrible snake rearing its horrible head.” I shivered.

“I imagine that he knew about your fear of snakes.”

I nodded. “Yes, he even mentioned it then, saying it was time I got over my fear.”

She looked at her notes. “Why would he want you to be frightened like that? Why do you think?”

I looked down at my lap. “Uh, I guess, because he thought … he thought I was weak and wouldn’t fight back, and it made him feel good.”

She pounced. “Why would that make him feel good, to intimidate another person? Someone whom he supposedly cares about?”

I shrugged. “Who knows?”

She shook her head. “I think you know.”

“He’s a sadistic bastard.” My lips twisted. “I should’ve brought my gun, but who brings a gun to a date?”

Gwen nodded. “Yes, why would you need a gun on a date? Maybe a better question is, why do you think you have a relationship with a sadistic bastard?”

I whispered, “I guess I think I deserve it. After all, my mother …”

She sighed. “Isn’t it time you got your unloving mother out of your head? The fact that she was that way had nothing to do with you. She wasn’t capable of love. No matter who you were, she would’ve been the same uncaring, bitter person. She couldn’t love herself, so she couldn’t love anyone else, especially a child who was as unlike her as possible.”

I stared at her. “You think so?”

Gwen stared at me, long and hard. “You’re nothing like your miserable mother. You have a ton of courage, you’re loyal and kind to your friends, and you’re a good person. Someone who’s been getting herself into terrible situations all her life, to reenact what her mother told her she was. You don’t have to do that to yourself anymore.”

I definitely never thought about all that. I smiled at her. “Now, if I can only do that…”

“Of course you can,” she said firmly.

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