The Moment: Standing Up to Bill Cosby, Speaking Up for Women by Andrea Constand

Author:Andrea Constand [Constand, Andrea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, women, Personal Memoirs, Social Science, Sexual Abuse & Harassment
ISBN: 9780735240476
Google: gwN_zgEACAAJ
Publisher: Penguin Canada
Published: 2021-09-07T00:16:06.606523+00:00

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The ride back to the hotel with Angela, Diana, and Delaney was quiet. I couldn’t talk about what I had just been through, and I was thinking about what lay ahead the next day. The two and a half hours I’d been on the stand were more or less evenly divided between the direct examination by Kristen and the cross-examination by Agrusa. The next day, I knew, I would start off being questioned by the defence. There would be a redirect examination by the DA at the end of the day, but I would be at the mercy of Agrusa for as long as she wanted. That was a daunting thought. I had found her unnecessarily harsh; her questions were delivered with an icy edge and plenty of disparaging innuendo. But I was comforted that the proceedings were being led by Judge O’Neill. He seemed smart and patient—ultimately the process was in good hands, I was sure. I also felt huge relief just knowing that I had got through the first day of the trial. I had remained composed, and I had got some of what happened off my chest. I was one step closer to the end—the next day would likely be my last on the stand, and I now knew I could do it.

My family and I spent a low-key evening together. We had dinner in the hotel restaurant and then retired to our own rooms. Getting ready for bed that night, I had time to reflect a little more on my experience on the stand. And on Cosby himself. I realized that I had two overwhelming feelings about him. The first was disgust. Disgust that he had caused so much pain for so many. Disgust that his arrogance meant he would take no responsibility for his actions. After all, he could have taken a plea deal and avoided the trial. He could have spared so many people the time, the effort, the pain of rehashing these dark episodes of our lives. Instead, he was utterly defiant and lacking in remorse. And that prompted me to a second reaction: I felt sad. Sad for all of us who were suffering, but also for Cosby himself. He was a deeply damaged soul. His victims were evidence of that—collateral damage of a truly broken life.

As night fell, I drifted off, but sleep could not hold me in bed for long. I sat up and crossed my legs. It took forty-five minutes of meditation until I was able to press the coming day away and slip into tranquil sleep once again.

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