The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life by Daniel G. Amen

Author:Daniel G. Amen [Amen, Daniel G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Family & Relationships, Health & Fitness, Medical, Psychology, Love & Romance, Human Sexuality, Self-Help, Brain, Neuroscience, Sexuality, Sexual Instruction, Sex (Psychology), Psychosexual disorders, Sex instruction, Health aspects, Sex (Psychology) - Health aspects, Sex (Biology)
ISBN: 9780307587893
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2009-07-14T04:00:00+00:00

Anatomy of a Fetish and the Arousal Template

According to sex addictionologist Mark Laaser, PhD, “the arousal template” underlies many sexual fetishes and paraphilias. The theory of the arousal template says that it is important to understand where you were and how old you were when you experienced your first sexually arousing experience. This often lays the neural tracts for later excitement, even if the experience happened as early as age two or three. The first experience gets locked into the brain, and when you get older, you seek to repeat the experience because it was the way you had the initial arousal, like the first time you fell in love, used cocaine, or had to cope with pain. Here are several examples,

Adam, a forty-five-year-old stockbroker, grew up with an incredibly demeaning, shaming mother who gave him no love and acceptance. Four little girls lived next door to him when he was growing up. The little girls often came over to his house to play. They usually wore white socks and black patent leather shoes. When Adam got married, his fetish was that he wanted his wife to wear lacey dresses, patent leather shoes, and look like a little girl. It took him back to the arousal template of playing with the neighbors. His wife was initially okay with the sexual play, then not, as he wanted it every time to get an orgasm.

Gary also had a harsh and critical mother, plus an alcoholic dad. He grew up in Texas playing rodeo with a neighboring girl. They tied each other up as part of their play. It gave him a sense of control and pleasure, control he did not have over his erratically behaving mother or father. When he became sexually active as an adult, he wanted to tie women up, which eventually turned into an S&M fetish.

Lucy was an adult woman whose fetish was being spanked, slapped, and tied up. When she was five years old her father sexually molested her, including digital penetration. When she told her mother about the abuse, she was slapped because she didn’t want to hear about it. The arousal template got mixed up with messages of pleasure and pain.

When Fred was a little boy, he was molested by an uncle. He felt ashamed and furious. As an adult he got married and loved his wife deeply, but also went to adult bookstores that had video booths. He would invite strange men into the booth and offer to do oral sex on them. When they dropped their pants, he would go into a rage and beat them up. His behavior was attempting to right a past wrong.

For children raised in the 1950s, there were some mothers who were overconcerned with their children’s bowel regularity and gave them frequent enemas. If it was arousing to them, they would later insert objects into their rectum. I once treated a patient whose mother subjected him to frequent enemas. He was also a coffee addict. Twice a day he would brew coffee, put it in an enema bag, insert it into his rectum, and then masturbate.

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