Nobody's Perfect by Donald E Westlake

Author:Donald E Westlake
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: det_irony
Published: 2011-02-10T03:40:30.015000+00:00

Chapter 5

Andy Kelp had friends everywhere, even in the Police Department. Shortly after the New Year, he called a police friend named Bernard Klematsky. "Hi Bernard," he said. "It's me, Andy Kelp."

"Well, hello, Andy. Calling to confess?"

Kelp chuckled. "Always the kidder," he said. "Lemme buy you a drink when you come off."

"Why?"

"I wanna pick your brains."

"In that case," Bernard said, "you can buy me spaghetti with clam sauce. At Unfredo's. Ten-thirty."

"I'll be there," Kelp promised, and he was, but Bernard was fifteen minutes late. "Over here," Kelp called, when Bernard at last arrived, and waved at him across the half-empty restaurant from his table in the corner.

It took a while for Bernard to disencumber himself of his fur hat, his silk scarf, his leather gloves and his wool overcoat, storing them all on the hanger-jangly metal rack by the front door, and then he stood revealed as an average-appearing fellow of thirty-something, with bushy black hair, a rather long and fleshy nose, a rumpled dark blue suit with a rumpled dark blue necktie, and the indefinable air about him of a teacher of… mathematics. A lay teacher, in a parochial school. He came over to the table, rubbing his hands together for warmth, saying, "Cold out tonight."

"You mean you want a drink and spaghetti."

"A Rob Roy straight up would be a very nice thing." Kelp caught the eye of Sal the waiter, ordered the Rob Roy, and said, "And another bourbon and soda."

"You wanna order?"

"We might as well," said Bernard. "I'll have the escalope limone and spaghettini on the side, with clam sauce."

"Aw, Bernard," Kelp said, giving him a reproachful look. Bernard didn't care. He was very happy to be indoors in the warm. Smiling at Kelp, he said, "What about the wine? A nice Verdicchio?"

"Bernard, you're holding me up."

"Whoever heard of a cop holding up a robber?"

"Everybody," Kelp said, and told Sal the waiter, "I'll have the chicken parmigiana, spaghetti on the side with the red sauce, and we'll take the Verdicchio."

Sal the waiter went away, and Bernard shook his head, saying, "All that tomato."

"I like tomato. Can we talk now?"

"Wait'll I been bribed," Bernard said. "What've you been up to lately, Andy?"

"Oh, this and that," Kelp said.

"One thing and the other, huh?"

"More or less," Kelp agreed.

"Same old thing, in other words."

"In a manner of speaking," Kelp said.

"Well, you're looking good," Bernard told him. "Whatever you're up to, it agrees with you."

"You look good, too," Kelp said, and the drinks arrived. "Ah, the bribe," Bernard said. He swigged down half his Rob Roy, beamed, patted his belly, and said, "There. Now we can talk."

"Good." Kelp leaned closer over the white tablecloth. "I need a guy's name and address."

"Wait a minute," said Bernard. "You want to pick my brains, or you want to pick Police Department records?"

"Both."

"Andy, fun's fun, but maybe you're about to overstep, you know what I mean?"

Kelp was uncertain on that score himself, and the uncertainty made him nervous. He put away a bit more of his second bourbon and soda, and said, "If you say no, it's no.

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