Never Forget To Laugh: Personal Recollections of Bill Thetford, Co-Scribe of A Course In Miracles by Carol Howe

Author:Carol Howe [Howe, Carol]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Self-published
Published: 2010-08-20T07:00:00+00:00

To Jaison’s awe-filled pronouncement, Bill calmly responded, “Oh, she just does that for people sometimes.”

Whether it was deliberate or accidental, as she and Jaison talked, Helen accessed the loving aspect of herself that brought forward the Course, yet with none of the rest of us present. Even though that was Jaison’s only conversation with her, three decades later he still recalls, “I was totally blown away and grateful. It was just an amazing experience.”1[34] The Voice never interfered with her daily activity but was always there when she “tuned into” that channel, so to speak; her ability to turn it off and on was crucial. She described it as definitely not her own voice, although she recognized it. Most important, that “channel” where the Course originated is within everyone, which explains why so many feel a profound familiarity with ACIM.

Chapter 13

Although Bill was gay, there were women he deeply cared for and considered an integral part of his life, especially after moving to California. I found no evidence from interviews or archival records that there was ever an important woman in his New York life other than Helen. That is not surprising since he always had a male partner while living there and Helen consumed almost all his attention, even during his personal time. It’s a wonder he had time for anything or anyone outside his work and preoccupation with her. One of his good friends characterized him as “ambiguously gay,” and Bill told Jo, his first and only girlfriend, that he considered himself bisexual even though he was not intimate with women. Others opined that he thought and interacted in the world like a straight man but conducted his private life as a gay man. In his high school essay, he wrote of constantly following his sister and her friends around and about his ongoing fascination with the opposite sex, a fascination that apparently continued into adulthood. In the California era, Bill was attracted to a few other women and with them he had the same intimate yet not intimate relationship he and I had as well. We have all been confounded at trying to explain what that relationship was like. Also Bill was concerned that his homosexuality might reflect negatively on ACIM, a sacred trust in his eyes, and spending time with women could provide “cover.” Bill cannot easily be categorized in terms of his private life and his ambivalence challenged him, too.

Perhaps he felt safe with women, at least those who were not overly aggressive, just as many women feel safe with their gay men friends, without the complications and expectations of an intimate involvement. Having no romantic agenda leaves room for a deep and abiding friendship. Bill could be very flirtatious, and was capable of giving anyone his complete, undivided attention, evoking a feeling of being valued and cared for. Once when we were walking together in Tiburon, perhaps holding hands, a stranger suddenly stopped and with unusual fervor commented on how marvelous it was to see two people who cared so much about each other.

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