Nathalia Buttface and the Most Embarrassing Dad in the World by Nigel Smith

Author:Nigel Smith [Nigel Smith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2014-04-08T16:00:00+00:00

“Ow,” said several people who were jabbed with the pointy stick.

“Must make it tidy,” shouted Darius, picking up speed and waving the stick. “Important people here.”

The running-twitching-poking-shouting boy bashed into the visitors like a rocket-powered dodgem car. He knocked people left, right and centre as he hurtled straight into the crowd. The Head made a grab for him but he was too small and quick. Besides, she wasn’t absolutely sure she wanted to touch him without wearing rubber gloves.

“Crisp-packet patrol,” shouted Darius. “Urgent. Nee-naw nee-naw.”

“Watch where you’re going, you revolting child,” shouted the Chair of the Governors, just managing to avoid the pointy stick.

“Ronald, do something,” said his wife, diving out of the way, but NOT avoiding the pointy stick. “Ow! It’s gone mad.”

“What do you suggest?” asked the Chair, using his wife as a human shield. “I’m not allowed to shoot people any more.”

Darius reached Nat and started running round in circles, near the easel. He nudged it and it tipped up, balanced on one leg. “Watch out, the picture’s going over! Catch it!” said the Chair, who was standing far enough away that he wouldn’t risk having to catch it himself, so felt safe to say “Catch it!” to other people. He had learned this trick in the army.

Too late. With a crash the easel fell to the ground. Darius somehow got himself tangled up in the sheet, and began thrashing about, like a captured sea creature.

“Don’t you dare kick him,” shouted Nat, noticing the Chair taking a crafty run-up.

“Must – pick – up – all – litter,” said Darius in his best robot voice, over the sound of ripping noises. Finally several of the braver prospective parents hauled the boy out of the mess and picked him up, wriggling. Most had now decided they didn’t want their children to come to this school, thank you.

Nat’s picture was in little tiny pieces on the end of his stick. Darius had saved her! He winked at her and she played along: “Oh no,” she said, “that horrible boy has ruined my lovely painting. I’m so upset and things.”

Tee hee, she thought, well done, chimpy, the cheese and onion crisps are on me tomorrow.

But as he was carted off to the Head’s office, she suddenly wondered what was going to happen to him. By the look on Mrs Trout’s face, it wasn’t going to be good.

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