Mammother by Zachary Schomburg

Author:Zachary Schomburg [Schomburg, Zachary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction (novel)
ISBN: 9781943888108
Publisher: Featherproof Books
Published: 2017-02-15T05:00:00+00:00

29.

The XO House of the Lord Everlasting was the official name of Pie Time’s new church, but it soon became more widely known, simply, as The Hole. The Hole was only the second church ever built in Pie Time, but most importantly, its capacity to hold believers was more than twice that of Lady Blood’s. The Hole was a cathedral—something Lady Blood could never claim—and it was built with the expectation of future generations, with stone and granite and iron or something like it. It was flanked by flying buttresses, and stone carvings of all the apostles at the last supper were above the cathedral’s entrance. Even the faces of Judas and Jesus were made distinguishable, which could not be said of the wood carving rendition of the last supper above the main doors of Lady Blood. Its windows were made with stained glass, and its pews, of which there were twice as many as Lady Blood, were made of wood imported from other countries, not wood cut for the sake of efficiency from the trees west of Pie Time.

The Hole was clean, strong, serious, large, and most importantly, it was new. It was exactly what Pie Time wanted, or needed, at that exact time in its history, even though it didn’t know it wanted or needed it until it had been built. It made Lady Blood look more like an old round white barn, which, more or less, it was, and very few people were willing to continue attending church in an old round barn when something like The Hole existed across the street.

After the construction of The Hole was complete, which only took a week—a feat that many in town claimed was a miracle—a mass exodus from Lady Blood began. That week Father Mothers III delivered his most fiery homily of all time, though only six people were there to witness it. “Friends, we’re already in purgatory. Can you feel it? Can you feel the hellfire licking its pointy rat tongue between our toes?” He looked right at Beulah Minx, who was deaf, and he waited a few seconds for her to answer his question, but no answer to his question ever came.

So, technically, only five of the six people in attendance heard it, because one was Beulah Minx. And another one of those remaining five people was Lil’ Jorge, with his tabletop haircut, who could barely speak, and who was eating an XO chocolate bar behind the pulpit during the homily. The remaining four people were in attendance primarily to get another chance to study the nude confessional photographs pinned on the north wall.

At The Hole, the new priest in town, Father Felipe, regaled his new attentive audience with stories and music from foreign lands. His hair was shiny and black, and his eyebrows were thick and even blacker. His lips were small and rough from cigarettes, and he got his shaves on Saturdays at XO Haircuts. So by Sundays, he had a perfect layer of stubble.

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