Leashed by June Whyte

Author:June Whyte [Whyte, June]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Mystery
Publisher: June Whyte Books
Published: 2018-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

12

The cake-tasting ceremony was a fizzle from start to end.

A long-haired hippie guy, complete with scruffy beard, a bad case of acne, a nose ring that had gone a strange greenish color and dressed in a starched white chef’s outfit, presented me with the tiniest sliver of wedding cake on a gold-edged plate. With his solemn expression, unseen music in the background playing something highly classical, and the pompous manner in which he offered me the plate–you’d have thought I was being presented with The Elixir of Life.

I downed the morsel in one swallow–told the guy it was yum–and stood up to leave.

The entire ritual would have been all over in three minutes, top, except for Ma, who demanded she have a taste of the cake too. The hippie chef refused on the grounds she was neither the bride nor the groom. But Ma wouldn’t back down–after all, she’d paid for the damn cake. Long story short, Ma and the hippie chef spent the next twenty minutes dueling–not with swords but tongues–until Ma won the tournament. Then, reluctantly digging another bite-sized smidgen of cake from somewhere it could easily be covered up later with icing, the chef plonked it down in front of her. No plate. No ceremony.

Still, Ma was appeased and when I dropped her off out the front of her house she was even quite mellow, saying how much she looked forward to my Hen’s party the following night. Yeah. Right. Tanya and I had already arranged to pump her so full of alcohol early on in the evening that she’d be asleep before the real entertainment appeared–an all-man band comprising of six strippers.

So, it was close to 8 o’clock by the time Thunder and I, on our way to see Peter, pulled up out the front of The Luv Bug. I shouldered my way through the glass doors, only to find the shop’s manager, Norm, pumping up a sex doll with a foot pump. Thunder did a double-take, her eyebrows meeting over her nose. To make her introduction to The Luv Bug even more bizarre, Norm was wearing long white ballet tights and a floppy pink top while Tanya stacked shelves in an almost-not-there, miniscule fairy costume.

“If you two plan on starring in The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, you need to fill your tights out more,” I told Norm, bending down to squeeze one of his calves. “As I thought… I’ve felt marshmallows harder than your muscles.” I tutted with disapproval. “How do you expect to lift the fairy without dropping her?”

“I’ll have you know, I’m fitter than I look. I walk to work one morning a week.”

I shook my head at him, trying hard not to grin. “Walking’s not enough, Norman. Maybe you should become a member of one of those gyms you’re always rubbishing. Attend classes. Work out on their equipment. Or, if you don’t want to be shown up by the jocks, maybe you could buy yourself a pair of those short-shorts and a tank top and go jogging before breakfast every morning.

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