Just Your Type by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger

Author:Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger [TIEGER, PAUL]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: WORLD
ISBN: 9780759524255
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2003-06-18T04:00:00+00:00

ISFJ with ENFJ

The Joys

ISFJs and ENFJs share two important type preferences and typically have a very strong, loving connection and a common need for harmony. Both like to live their lives in ways that are in sync with their personal values. They are usually very supportive of each other and place a high value on cooperation. They know they can totally depend on each other to follow through on their commitments and be where and when they say they will be.

ISFJs and ENFJs usually enjoy a comfortable partnership, but it's the differences between them that are the source of their initial attraction. ENFJs are drawn to ISFJs' gentleness, calm, and genuine warmth. ISFJs tend to win ENFJs over with their loyalty, thoughtfulness, and earnestness. They make their partners feel so utterly nurtured and accepted. ISFJs often are attracted to ENFJs' confidence, energy, charisma, and the level of excitement that surrounds them. They greatly admire ENFJs' articulateness and their ability to take an idea and run with it. They are impressed, if also a bit exhausted, by the breathtaking pace that ENFJs maintain.

Because of their differences, ISFJ and ENFJ couples can help each other grow and develop in important ways. ENFJs often broaden the horizons of their more cautious and unassuming partners, helping them stretch their imaginations, try new things, and look beyond the obvious and the routine. ISFJs tend to bring stability and security to the idealistic ENFJs, helping them to become more grounded and realistic and to slow down so they can appreciate the simple things in life.

The Frustrations

Because ISFJs and ENFJs tend to make decisions based almost exclusively on their feelings and personal values, they both see things in rather absolute terms. They have a propensity to take firm positions on issues of morality. Since neither partner is likely to back down or compromise their values, their need to be right can conflict with their need to be united as a couple. Their mutual desire for control surfaces when they are deciding how and when to spend money and how flexible they should be as parents. When both people want to be in charge and also tend to avoid direct confrontation, they may resort to passive-aggressive behavior until the conflict mushrooms into a full-scale argument. Typically, ENFJs will finally initiate a discussion, an act they don't relish but are more willing to perform than are their quieter, more private ISFJ partners. Whenever one person is solely responsible for an unpleasant but important aspect of a relationship, however, resentment can build. The challenge for these couples is to find ways of calmly, honestly, and regularly bringing up small irritations and hurts before they threaten the health of the relationship.

ENFJs and ISFJs also share a desire for order and neatness in their homes. But since both partners take their commitments very seriously and drive themselves to finish the tasks they start, they may make hasty decisions because neither is comfortable leaving things open. They also can be too exhausted for each other at the end of a long, busy day.

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