Jaguar Woman by Lynn V. Andrews

Author:Lynn V. Andrews
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group

The sources

And the crude bone

—we say

Took place

Like the mass of the hills.

‘The sun is a molten mass’. Therefore

Fall into oneself—?

Reality, blind eye

Which has taught us to stare—

George Oppen “Route”

Chapter 10

The Face of the Earth

Early in the morning Agnes and I made our way down the deserted road behind the hacienda. The early morning sun was creamy white and still low on the horizon. As we walked, I took sips of tea from a small hollow gourd that I held carefully with both hands in front of me. It was a long stretch of road, and I felt supremely happy. Everything seemed wonderful. Even the gourd cup seemed so much better than a regular cup. Surely it contained life as well as hot liquid.

The sun got higher and streamed down over my shoulders and was beginning to warm the hard-packed earth of the road. As usual, a light rain had fallen during the night. The puddles of muddy water were beginning to dry. I saw fruit trees and could smell the smoke from burning fires in the henequen fields.

“Feel that sun,” I said. “Doesn’t it feel exhilarating?”

“The light that you are feeling now is life that died to its mother some time ago. When you break a tooth or have your hair cut, those pieces of yourself are dead to you forever. Does the sun appear to dhange, or do you feel any different when your hair ends fall away as they are cut?”

“Well, no. Not really.”

“The other day you asked me to speak of death, and this is as good a time as any. When your spirit parts from your body, it is the same, the final giveaway. Your spirit continues to emanate light and strength like the sun, but it then chooses a different way to be seen. That is all death is, you see.”

Several colorful birds darted and maneuvered swiftly in the air above us. They kept their distance but continued to put on a display for us.

“I understand, Agnes.”

“No, you don’t understand, or you would never be afraid of death.”

“Well, I wish I understood,” I said.

Agnes turned and laughed. “If you understood your death you would be happy, happy with everyone and everything that came in front of you. You see the beautiful birds flying, and they make you happy. But what if they were airplanes dropping murder out of the sky? You wouldn’t like it. But I tell you honestly, if we did see airplanes sent to destroy us, I would be just as happy as you are looking at those winged creatures.”

“Agnes, that’s insane.”

“No, you’re insane, always holding on to everything, especially your fear. If you understand life, then when you lose it, maybe it won’t be so bad. If you were to lose your father, or your dog, Muffin —is that his name?”

“Yes.”

“Anything at all. All of your attachments. You won’t understand this either. But your children, your dog, your car, your house, your clothes, your objects—they’re all dead fingernails. Essential life and love can never leave you, because you are that.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.