Here Comes the Sun by Tom Holt

Author:Tom Holt
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9789085241522
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 1992-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Fourteen

Part of Staffs duties was the inspection, on a more or less regular basis, of some of the outlying departments which had no internal review system of their own. He didn’t enjoy doing it at the best of times, and Complaints was perhaps his least favourite.

Access to Complaints is, naturally, open to everybody and everything in the universe, regardless of species, metaphysical status or temporal orientation; however, for the sake of internal administrative efficiency, the Department reserves the right only to consider complaints which are submitted in the prescribed form.

The prescribed form is Form C301, a fifteen-page booklet printed on pages of beaten gold, twelve miles long by five miles wide. Once completed, the form must be submitted in triplicate, and the top copy must be countersigned by an apostle, saint (minor Celtic saints excepted), archangel, Bodhisattva, Taoist patriarch, daemon of Grade 5 or higher, Elector of the Holy Roman Empire or other person of similar standing in the community.

“Hello,” Staff called, pushing against the door with all his weight and heaving. “Anybody here?”

The door gave way, and Staff staggered, off balance, into the darkened office. He rummaged in his coat pocket for his flashlight and switched it on. This place always gave him the creeps.

“Over here,” said a voice, not very helpfully.

“Where’s here?”

“What d’you mean, where’s here? Here.”

Staff frowned, because the voice was coming from inside his head. “Look,” he said, “I’ve warned you about that already.”

There was a muted plop and Ganger was standing beside him. “I know,” he said, “and I’m sorry. It’s just that I had to hitch a ride to get past Security.”

Staff nodded. “Fair enough,” he said. “So what was so important that it couldn’t wait till…” The words evaporated on his lips like rain on a blast-furnace as the beam of his torch licked something huge and shiny in the far corner of the room. A part of his brain – the part where most of his thoughts refused to go, except in pairs in broad daylight – said I know what that is. The rest of his brain pretended it hadn’t heard.

“I know,” Ganger said. “A bit of a turn-up, really. Still, there’s a first time for everything.”

Staff stopped dead, turned and looked at him.

“You don’t mean to say,” he said slowly, “that somebody has actually…”

“Complained, yes.” Ganger nodded. “Fortunately,” he said, “it isn’t valid.”

The torch-beam flashed on what seemed to be an infinity of gold space, and the photons bounced, and bounced, and bounced. “It isn’t?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know about you,” replied Ganger, “but I don’t think Colonel Gadaffi falls within the permitted class of counter-signatories. Apart from that, though, it’s all in order and according to Hoyle.”

Staff scratched his chin. “It’s a moot point, actually,” he said. “Anyway, we can leave that to the boys in Legal. Who’s it from?”

“That’s the puzzling dung,” Ganger replied, fiddling aimlessly with his key-ring. “Nobody seems to have heard of him. Let’s go see if the name rings any bells with you.”

With the help

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.