Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Reiland

Author:Rachel Reiland
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-1-59285-777-7
Publisher: Hazelden
Published: 2009-04-09T16:00:00+00:00

It was an unseasonably damp and overcast November. I had no interest in dinner, either cooking or eating it. I was still consumed with the discoveries of the day's session.

Opening the damper to the fireplace, I decided it was time for the first fire of the year. I set up the logs and lit the Duraflame starter block, sitting back, feeling nothing but hollow emptiness as it began to flicker and then catch on. The burning fire and the dancing flames entranced me. Fire. The great power of warmth. The great power of destruction.

Sufficiently warmed, I decided to put away the essays and pictures I'd brought to session. I wondered why I was even keeping them.

Then I spotted another box with my mother's handwriting scrawled across it: Rachel—Awards.

Awards. That's all I was good for to them, I thought bitterly. The tokens of honor meant nothing to me now. Absolutely nothing. If anything, they were reminders of the bitter charade my childhood had been.

Opening the box, I looked through the mountains of blue, red, and white ribbons, the many certificates bearing my name. Sports play-offs. Math competitions. Foreign language contests. My high school diploma and National Honor Society certificates. A blur of accomplishments that were now worthless pieces of paper. Trash. As I dug my hands through the contents, I was overwhelmed with the desire to crumple them up and throw them away.

Looking at the fire in the hearth, I was seized by an idea. One by one I crumpled up the awards and threw them on the fire, a bittersweet sensation of remorse and revenge filling me as I watched them blacken and turn to ash in the roaring flames. The words were melted into oblivion as the fire consumed them. Ribbon after ribbon after ribbon. Certificate after certificate. My high school diploma. All up in flames.

I went into the basement to grab some more and burned them as well.

I was taking my college diploma off the wall and was in the process of removing it from its wooden frame when Tim walked in. He had been out in the garage, tinkering with the transmission of our car.

His face paled as he looked into the fire and saw the remnants of the ribbons and burning parchment.

“What in the hell are you doing, Rachel?” he asked, shocked.

“Burning this shit,” I mumbled angrily. “All of it. It's all shit!”

Tim ran to the fire just in time to see the flames swallow my high school diploma.

“My God! That's your diploma.” He turned to me, then noticed my college diploma in my hand, already removed from its frame, ready to be next.

“No! I'm not going to let you burn your college diploma too. No way! You've lost it, Rachel. You need to call the doctor. Something. Anything! But there's no way in hell I'm letting you burn your degree.”

“Why?” I pouted. “It doesn't mean anything. Doesn't mean shit! Nothing!”

“Look, Rachel,” he said firmly, grabbing the hand that held the parchment, physically restraining me from moving toward the fire.

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