Flirting With Forty by S L Romines

Author:S L Romines
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2020-04-23T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

“I look ridiculous.”

“No, you look hot.”

“I look like a middle-aged whore on my way to Whoreville to meet up with my whore friends for geriatrics night at Whores-R-Us bingo hall,” I reply as I try to adjust the ridiculous outfit Sam picked out for my date tonight.

“You need some serious help, my friend.”

“Shut it, whore.”

“Better to be a whore than be a bore, and you? Well, you’re starting to bore me.”

Sam’s reply earns a double middle finger as I turn and take a minute to look at myself in the mirror. I should just shit-can my entire date with Miles. My date. I’ve tried to say that several times without almost throwing up, considering I haven’t been out with a man since my ex-husband and I dated years ago.

“I can’t do this.” I pull the hair clip out of my hair and kick off my heels. “Just tell him I’m on my period or something equally off-putting.”

“Hey, some men like checking into the ol’ Red Roof Inn.”

“Really, Sam?” My friend’s jokes do nothing to ease my nerves.

“I’m just sayin’,” Sam replies with her hands up in the air. “Because shark week down in Putangopolis gets a certain type of man hungry for that red snapper if ya know what I mean.”

“You’re gross.” I curl my lip in disgust and begin to panic when the doorbell rings. “Oh, no! Oh, shit! What the hell am I gonna do?”

“Chomp, chomp, shark bait.”

“Fuck off, Sam.” I flip my best friend the bird, hurry to my office and quickly lock the door behind me. “You’re a sucky, sucky asshole!”

If any of them even utter a word to Miles that I’m in here I’m gonna get real stabby real, real quick. All I want to do is hide in my office for the unforeseeable future or at least until Miles takes a hint and stops knocking on my front door.

“Hey, Coach. What’s up?”

Vincent!

That boy would rat out Santa, tell on the Easter Bunny and blame the Tooth Fairy all in one breath. He has never been able to keep a secret. Ever.

“Yeah, Mom’s in her office.”

I knew it!

“Second door on the right.”

Little shit!

Panic quickly sets in as I press my back flat against the door. For a moment, I consider holding my breath but then I remember that one time when I was eight years old swimming in my cousin’s pool. I was dared to hold my breath for a whole three minutes and, being the badass that I clearly wasn’t, I nearly died when I forgot to come back up to the surface for air before I sucked in a huge gulp of pool water. My mother was not impressed but my cousins high-fived my dumbass as if I’d just won the damn Olympics.

A light knock on my office door scares the crap out of me, causing me to jump. I screw my eyes shut and realize that I probably look like an idiot barricaded in my office, trying to hide from the non-existent boogeyman.

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