Cutting It Out by Turp Maggie;Smith Carolyn;

Author:Turp, Maggie;Smith, Carolyn; [Smith, Carolyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

THIS IS GREAT!

WHY HAVEN’T WE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?

SHE’LL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF US NOW.

I’m not so sure. This could easily backfire, but what the hell, I have nothing else planned this afternoon.

I pick up the phone and dial her number. After three rings the answerphone clicks on and I leave a message. I ask her if I can come and see her today. I’ve not gone to work and am scared of what I will do. I hang up, shake my head as if I am ashamed of myself and sit down to drink my coffee.

The rest of the morning passes without incident. I leave a message at work, trying to sound suitably ill and sit watching rubbish TV. I eat some lunch and crack open the bottle of cider. It is sweet and cold, but goes down well. It was a special organic cider and stronger than I am used to, perhaps a little too strong but never mind.

The phone rings. I stand and look at it. I can sense who it is.

‘Hello?’ I say, my voice croaking.

‘Hello,’ she replies and says who she is as if introducing herself for the first time. She offers me a slot at five o’clock; I snap it up greedily, hoping my voice doesn’t sound too slurred. She tells me to stay calm, to stay at home and that she will see me later. But I know I’m not staying at home. My plan doesn’t include staying at home.

My head is spinning a little as I try to tie the laces on my trainers. I manage eventually, with a little help from Cat, who seems intent on trying to catch the end of the lace every time I try to make a bow. I pull my fleece on and empty the contents of my bus pass wallet onto the table. At the last shake the blade falls out with a clatter. It looks a bit past its best; rust has started to form round one edge, so I go to the bathroom, to the airing cupboard and retrieve a hidden blade from under one of the shelves. I repack my wallet, adding the new blade and set off out. The sun is very bright and low in the sky making me squint. I am the only one waiting at the bus stop which makes me think I might have just missed one, but then round the corner appears another. Despite it being only early afternoon the bus is busy and I stand downstairs, squashed between two giggling schoolgirls, obviously over-excited at skipping classes. I put my earphones in and turn the music up, drowning out the inane chatter of the two teenagers. I must reek of alcohol because as soon as there is space people move away from me, always wary of a drunk person in the middle of the day.

I idly gaze out of the bus window watching the different types of shops going by. There are Turkish wedding shops, Greek bakers and Jewish accountants.

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