Converting to Judaism by Bernice K. Weiss

Author:Bernice K. Weiss
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

EIGHT

Conquering a Bitter Past

Anna’s Triumph

Anna was very nervous, almost afraid to talk when she walked into my office five years ago. But she was interested in her husband’s father’s Jewish background, and she wanted to learn more about it, to explore it. I wasn’t surprised, really. Often when there is some Jewish thread that is found in one partner’s history, an intelligent, curious person looks into it. An artist and writer, Anna was looking for something to obtain meaning in life, something she missed in her own very troubled upbringing.

What struck me about Anna was her insecurity about herself; she was almost afraid of her own shadow. She had no sense of confidence whatsoever. Yet I saw this lovely and unaffected woman as extremely bright, brilliant even, with tremendous insight and compassion. There was something remarkable about her, something that couldn’t get free. Dark shadows from her past were imprisoning her.

That is what is so amazing about the learning process that we went through together. Anna just blossomed like a flower. I gave her encouragement in her study of Judaism, and she drew strength from acquiring knowledge. She delved into books—but not like just anybody would do. The more I gave her, the more she wanted to go into greater depth, to examine the technical source materials and decipher the actual text in detail. Through her studies she gained the confidence to try things on her own, like making a Shabbat dinner. Her husband, a photographer and curator at a major museum, worked long hours, and it was a struggle to pull it off. But when she did, she felt good, because it brought them closer together and gave her a purpose and framework for living. I encouraged her to go to services, too. That first year, she passed out books on the High Holy Days and felt like she was part of the community, like she had a place to go, even if she went by herself. I’ll never forget when Anna decided to try making a Passover seder. By this time her husband was no longer bucking her or fighting her. How she enjoyed it!

For a long time Anna had feared she would not make a fit mother, which was mind-boggling to me. I kept telling her just the opposite, that she would make a terrific mother. But she was already in her late thirties, and she and her husband planned not to have any children due to her anxiety. Soon Anna was going regularly to services. As we studied the units on prayer and the meaning of life, it helped her realize her own validity, her own goodness. Gradually she learned not to doubt herself so much. By the time she was ready to go to the mikvah (ritual bath) for conversion, she confided to me that she had gained enough self-confidence to have a child. She went to the mikvah and two weeks later called to say, “Rabbi, I’m pregnant!”

Anna’s son, David, is a beautiful child, and her husband gladly spends time at home helping with the baby.

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