Controlled Burn by Erin Soderberg Downing

Author:Erin Soderberg Downing
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.

That night, Grandma told me it was time for me to move back inside and sleep in the den again. She and Grandpa had discussed it and thought it best if Wilma didn’t get used to having me next to her while she slept, since I wouldn’t be able to sleep out in the shed forever. I felt okay about moving inside and leaving her out there, because I knew Grandpa was out there, with the windows of his trailer wide open in case Wilma started wailing.

But as soon as I was back inside, the nightmares returned. I didn’t know if it was because I had Wilma with me in the shed, giving me something else to focus on and care for, that made me feel free from some of my other worries and guilt and fears. All I knew was I had slept fitfully and dreamlessly the previous night, but now that I was able to fall more soundly asleep and didn’t have either Bear or Wilma beside me, a fresh chapter of my normal nightmare returned in full force. That night, Amelia and I were both surrounded by flames. We were huddled together in the center of her bed, with flames licking at us from all sides. Suddenly, Amelia’s hair caught fire and she flung herself off the bed, trying to stop, drop, and roll. I watched as she was consumed by the flames, screaming defenselessly as the fire chewed and swallowed her up.

My arms wouldn’t move. I just watched, helpless, as my sister burned.

The room exploded in flames, and still I just sat on my little bed island, watching as everything around me went up in smoke.

Amelia was gone, and it was all my fault.

I woke up sweating, my breath coming quick and shallow. The red numbers on the clock told me it was 12:34. This was the hour Amelia always called “Number Time”—she even made up a little song and dance to commemorate one-two-three-four in a row on the clock. I sat up, searching for Astrid. But as soon as I scooped her up, the remnant smoke smell nearly choked me and soon I was hyperventilating, unable to get anything more than the tiniest sip of air.

All I could think in the moment was, I needed to breathe. I had more than six hours left of nighttime, and I couldn’t imagine falling back to sleep with those images printed on my mind. I wanted to talk to my sister, to see her, to know that she was okay. But I couldn’t.

Without thinking, I jumped out of bed and ran. I raced across the kitchen, scrambled down the stairs, and shoved open the door to the outside. Feet still bare, I rushed across the yard. Bear looked up sleepily from his perch at the outer edge of Wilma’s fence, his tail thumping out a tired greeting. I rubbed his fluffy shoulders, immediately feeling a bit better, then peeked in at the fawn. She was fast asleep, so I stepped across the threshold into the shed, reaching in to gently touch her silky flank.

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