Captains Stupendous by Rhys Hughes

Author:Rhys Hughes [Hughes, Rhys]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Telos Publishing Ltd
Published: 2014-08-13T20:00:00+00:00

Gathering Storm

From every corner of the European continent, from every secret alcove, niche and cranny came the fascistic volunteers to the dread cause of the hubristic Italo-Mexican, Signor (or Señor) Granieri. In black, brown and green uniforms they marched onwards, chins mostly square and shaved, windswept fringes at 45° angles on thunderous brows. All of them were committed to power, strength, blood, iron, purity, race, honour, war and inequality. They were thugs and ranters.

From Romania came men with bags of soil around their necks, earthy reminders of the magical force of their homeland; from Norway came the descendants of Vikings, who still believed that Thor and Odin were gods fit for humanity; from Ireland came mystical warrior-poets who sang and jigged away each twilight; from Bohemia came men with sneers sharper and deadlier than daggers; from Hungary, Germany, Poland, Croatia and Estonia, they came. From everywhere.

Even from Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, San Marino.

Not forgetting the Papal Lands!

Due to some quirk of timing, they all converged in a narrow mountain pass over the Pyrenees. Recognising each other by a prearranged salute, a matter of clenching one’s fist and biting down on it, they combined forces to cross into Spain in a single mass.

Towards Almería they went, kicking up dust clouds.

The peasants who witnessed this influx shook in their sandals, if they could afford sandals, or trembled in bare feet if they couldn’t: they didn’t try to oppose them. Armed with weapons of all types and ages, including maces, swords and halberds, this gargantuan legion was a hideous sight, a grotesque invasion of motley maniacs.

Europe had gone mad; the world was utterly insane!

Contrast this scene with another …

A liner packed with assassins has finally reached its destination, which happens to be Santander in Cantabria, a region of Spain. Though cramped by the voyage, these assassins disembark flexibly enough. Led by Unkoo the ape-man, they proceed toward Almería, pausing only while he sniffs the ground. Armed with weapons of all types and ages, including rapiers, throwing stars and hatchets, this gargantuan legion is an appalling sight, a grotesque invasion of motley maniacs.

Did you spot the difference between the two armies?

I didn’t. And I’m a professional writer; Lloyd Griffiths is my name, but you knew that already. What’s yours?

It’s almost inevitable that the two legions will collide!

But what will happen then?

I have no idea. Nor does Hubengo Gordbloaton.

Nor does Mario Granieri …

At the very moment in time that all this is happening, Dom Daniel in Brazil is seated at his study window staring out at the jungle. The sounds of a saw and an axe disturb his reverie; the majestic trees are being felled all around him. He sighs at this destruction, for soon his beloved country will be a wasteland of stumps and starving animals. He has done what he can to save the flora of the rainforest. His sad thoughts turn to daydreams of that implausible Arctic island, that paradise concealed among icebergs and snowfalls; unknown Hippolytomia.

Unlike Distanto, he has never actually been there.

So

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