Autism Breakthrough by Raun K. Kaufman

Author:Raun K. Kaufman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

TURNING THE TABLES

Figure 4

Figure 5

Take a gander at Figures 4 and 5. Do you see? You can turn the tables by reversing your reactions. When your child yells, cries, tantrums, whatever, you want your response to be slow and flat. (This is one of the very few times when I would advocate not using the three Es.) I’m not saying to ignore your child—or to be punitive and say something like, “Listen, buddy, I’m not going to help you when you whine and carry on.” This isn’t about punishing or “teaching her a lesson.”

I’m talking about communicating to your child that you understand English, but you don’t understand Swedish. The next time she tantrums, you want to immediately relax. Instead of asking yourself the indentured-servitude question (“How do I stop this tantrum?”), ask yourself this: “How can I help my child communicate more effectively?”

If you ask that question, you can’t go wrong.

Remind yourself that your job as a parent is not to stop the tantrum, it’s to help your child communicate. In the short term, that may mean that the tantrum goes on for longer.

One the other side of the equation, it is absolutely essential that you show your child that you really, really understand English. When your child behaves in a way that is sweet or communicative (using words, tugging gently at your sleeve, taking your hand, using a nice tone of voice, etc.), your mission in life is to respond quickly, urgently, and enthusiastically. The running-around-like-a-chicken-with-its-head-cut-off that used to happen during a tantrum—that’s what needs to happen here instead.

To recap:

Tantrums, crying, screaming, hitting, biting, pinching → slow, flat, mellow.

Sweet, communicative behavior → fast, big, urgent, excited.

So, what do you actually do? Let’s outline that in the context of a specific child so you can really see how it works.

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