An Average Joe's Search for the Meaning of Life by David Shaw

Author:David Shaw [Shaw, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781472055316
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

SUSPICIOUS MINDS IN LOCHGELLY!

George had been commissioned to be the entertainer at a large bar/restaurant in Kilmarnock. He would be performing whilst families enjoyed ‘three courses for £9.95’. It seemed a strange arrangement but at least I didn’t have to travel too far to hear him sing.

When I arrived at the venue, George was already in full swing. He was almost at the crescendo of his favourite song – ‘Love is all’, by Engelbert Humperdinck, when a disgruntled diner stood up and shouted, ‘Would you mind sitting down as I’m trying to digest my main course?’ Well that’s not entirely true, he actually shouted ‘Feck off and die, and let me eat my crap steak pie in peace!’

You see, George was one of those special people that you either loved or hated. He was Marmite on legs. However, I always found George to be entertaining and to me, he was never dull. He could light up a room and then burn it down that same night.

After the majority of the diners had left the bar, George returned to the microphone. There were only a handful of people remaining and I think they were only there because they either felt sympathy for George, or they were waiting to complain about the poor quality of their steak pies.

To be fair, George had a good voice. I was quite surprised by how good he was, and eventually I plucked up the courage to sing a couple of songs myself. I hadn’t sung for ages and it showed – I was even worse than the steak pies! But I enjoyed the evening and we sang for the rest of the night until the staff threw us out at closing time.

George was contracted to perform at the bar every Saturday night and I accompanied him on most of these occasions. I preferred to sing Elvis songs and I began to try and imitate the great man – minus the hip movements of course. George also performed the occasional Elvis song and we found that our audience, usually one man and his dog, would occasionally join in, much to our horror.

A few weeks later I suggested to George that we should try out a theme night at the bar –an Elvis Tribute Night. George loved the idea and we proceeded to purchase two extremely inexpensive Elvis costumes that made us look more like transsexuals than Elvis. Nevertheless, we would have fun and I invited everyone I knew along to the special event.

It was hilarious and the audience loved it. Don’t get me wrong, we were awful at Elvis, but we were so bad that we actually became extremely funny. George decided that this was the route to follow, and I was happy with this, as I had always wanted to be an Elvis impersonator, or at least try it once. However we desperately needed to practise, but unfortunately George had too many other commitments.

So I became the Elvis impersonator or Elvis Tribute Act as they say in the trade, and George was my DJ or musical pimp as I used to call him.

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