A Billion Ways to Die by Chris Knopf

Author:Chris Knopf
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781579624071
Publisher: The Permanent Press
Published: 2014-10-03T04:00:00+00:00

TWO WEEKS later I got the gig. My hopes had been on the rise ever since HR contacted Natsumi, who told me her recommendation was given with only the barest of reservations.

“Reservations?”

“It had to sound real. They were mostly about your girlfriend in Singapore, whom I made clear I didn’t like. Jenny’s not entirely comfortable with her own boyfriend, by the way. He might be a little too controlling.”

Evelyn and Little Boy also left upbeat messages, the relief in Evelyn’s voice palpable.

“I simply told the woman the truth,” she said, “that I thought you were ideally suited for the job. I didn’t tell her I’ve admired your analytical skills since you were three years old.”

Little Boy thanked me for making him a doctor of arboriculture, for whom I’d ostensibly performed a study into the relationship between mental health and urban leaf biomass.

“I told her leaves make me happy. What can I say?”

That night, Natsumi cracked a bottle of red wine and I went crazy over a single bottle of Sam Adams Winter Lager, still celebrating the occasion felt more than a little strange. Not just for me.

“Are we happy you got a job, under false pretenses, though a job you could legitimately win with your own credentials, or are we happy we found a way to sneak you into Andalusky’s operation at Fontaine, or what?”

“We’re happy the tree limbs are full of leaves. Leaves increase our happiness. I know this to be true. I did the study.”

“You’re right,” said Natsumi. “A single beer does make you a little loopy.”

A single beer chased with a carafe of fear, now that I’d actually figured out how to infiltrate the corporate lair of my enemy, with no idea what I was going to do once I got there.

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