4 a.m. by Nina de la Mer

Author:Nina de la Mer [Nina de la Mer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780956792655
Publisher: Myriad Editions
Published: 2011-05-15T00:00:00+00:00

The S-Bahn journey’s like huvin a tooth pulled. On the outside, I’m like, everything’s fine, there isnae any pain; on the inside I’m sewing my feelings in tight, gritting my jaw thegither. And then I do what I always do in a crisis – blether. Tell Steffi about mibbe going tae Bosnia, how I’m thinking about trying tae get some leave, go and visit my ma, and she’s all serious and encouraging.

‘Oh, yes, you must visit your mother,’ she says, her coupon wrinkling like a torn pocket.

Lighten up, love, I want tae say, ’sno your business any mair, is it? when I hear, ‘Nächste Haltestelle, St Pauli.’

My ears prick up. St Pauli. The stop fur the Kiez.

And I’m no kidding yous, it’s as if the Reeperbahn was calling fur me, grabbing fur me with long, scarlet-painted fingernails. I grab my overnight bag, the can of baked beans clunking against my thigh as I scoop it up, and dive for the doors.

‘Cal! Cal! Vere are you going?’

‘Nipping down Purgatory, see if Taff’s around…’ and the doors slide shut before I manage, ‘I’ll see ye about…’

I look back and see Steffi’s face, frowning, and I go at it like greased lightning along the platform, headed fur the only comfort I can think of.

Purgatory.

Funny as fuck, isn’t it? A place meaning mental anguish and suffering being my only hope of comfort. There you go. That’s life.

I only hope Taff’s no breaking the habit of a lifetime, keeping the bar stool warm, waiting for some old sad fuck tae come in, needing a dose of his medicine.

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