100% Match by Patrick C. Harrison III

Author:Patrick C. Harrison III [Harrison, Patrick C. III]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Horror, Thriller, Adult, Contemporary
Amazon: B0BRGHQVH7
Goodreads: 75453617
Published: 2022-12-30T05:00:00+00:00

Date Day

66% of dates in which one of the people in question arrives late result in no follow-up date.

My alarm goes off at 7am rather than the typical 8. After performing my necessaries, I eat a bowl of oatmeal with sliced carrots and mustard, washing it down with apple juice. I wash my mouth twice and shave extra close, being sure not to miss a spot, and apply an extra layer of deodorant. I then dust a small amount of baby powder over my torso and between my legs.

80% of women will not date a man who stinks. Though, women equally assert they like the scent of a man’s sweat, as I stated before. Studies show, however, that the pleasurable sweat odor is noted when a man has been exercising or performing manual labor, not when perspiring from nervousness about a date.

I sit on the couch in my underwear and watch several videos of various surgeries. One of them depicts a large abscess being removed from a man’s testicles. When it’s 9am, I get dressed and spray on a hint of cologne and once more rinse my mouth with mouthwash.

Given the stats on women’s likelihood to date a man without a vehicle, I decide it’s worth the risk to take the Buick. Carlson’s Coffee is too far to walk and taking an Uber to a date would be ridiculous, and either of those scenarios would be frowned upon by Sara, no doubt. I’ll drive the speed limit and stop fully at all stop signs and obey all traffic lights.

I slide into the car and insert the key and for one panicked second I’m convinced the car won’t start and my coffee date will be ruined and I’ll spend the next three months mourning that I’d lost the one, all because I didn’t check the Buick’s drivability beforehand. But it fires right up.

I worked at a coffee shop for about a year. It was the job I had before my current one. Calling myself a barista sounded a lot better than calling myself a fry cook or burger flipper. 65% of women drink coffee daily. 77% like the smell of coffee. Good numbers. Women—and people in general—hold baristas in higher regard than fast food workers, even though they’re both low-paying positions in the food service industry. That job went away when the Texas Department of State Health Services shut down the coffee shop because large volumes of June bugs were being ground up with the coffee beans. It was good coffee.

As I pull up to Carlson’s, I see Sara’s Honda Accord turning into the parking lot. The fact that she drives a four-door sedan is a good sign, unless there are car seats in back. Women who drive coupes are twice as likely to smoke and drink, and three times as likely to be unfaithful to their mate, compared to women who drive sedans. Women driving minivans are the most loyal, but that’s typically a clear indicator of motherhood. I’m not interested in finding a partner who is already a mother.

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