Your Child's Path: Unlocking the Mysteries of Who Your Child Will Become by Susan Engel

Your Child's Path: Unlocking the Mysteries of Who Your Child Will Become by Susan Engel

Author:Susan Engel [Engel, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 2011-02-07T16:00:00+00:00


When Your Child Isn’t Oliver

Jodie can’t make Annie less headstrong, nor would she want to. And she cannot necessarily make Annie a more docile child with less va-va-voom. She can’t give Annie a deeply felt, spontaneous sense of compassion. That’s not what Annie came with. But Jodie can keep her own moral compass out on display, where Annie is reminded of it all the time. Jodie can stoke the fire of their strong emotional connection, so that Annie will want to please a mother who values kindness and altruism. That strong bond will also lead Annie to want to emulate her mother’s good deeds and expressions of compassion.

Annie is smart, and Jodie can make the most of her daughter’s intellect by reminding her to think and imagine what she might not feel when left to her own devices. She can help Annie develop habits and inclinations that offset her heedlessness or her lack of sympathy, such as the habit of cleaning up her messes (literally and figuratively), of apologizing, and of righting the wrongs she has done.

When Annie was nine, she went to the zoo with her aunt, the same one from whom she had stolen the jewelry seven years before. Annie went running up to the pen with the animals children could feed and then went running back to her aunt, fist out: “I need quarters. Quarters. Give me quarters.” She was still bossy and ready to push for what she wanted. Her aunt handed her several quarters and sat down to watch.

Annie rushed back to the little dispenser where kids were dropping in coins for handfuls of corn. A little boy, perhaps four years old, with pudgy little legs and a slightly bewildered look on his face, was standing at the dispenser, trying to figure out how it worked. His fingers were short and fat, and he was taking a long time trying to get the dial to turn. Annie’s hands twitched with impatience. She wanted to use her quarters; she wanted to feed those animals. She began to push forward in the line, shoulder-to-shoulder with the little boy.

Her aunt slid closer to the edge of the bench. Annie put her hand on the little boy. Her aunt leaned forward, ready to call out to stop Annie from pushing the little boy aside, ready to remind her that he deserved a turn and that Annie would have to wait. But then she heard what her niece was saying to the little boy: “Here. Want me to help? You turn the dial like this. Yeah, that’s it. Now, let the corn fall into your hand. Yay. You did it. Now you can feed the goat! Take another turn if you want.”

Misdeeds are red herrings. All kids misbehave. Testing authority, satisfying one’s own needs, seeking pleasure, and putting oneself ahead of others are all natural and healthy characteristics of early childhood. As Freud so eloquently pointed out, growing up is, at heart, the task of learning to redirect your passions so that you can satisfy your needs while being part of a group.



Download



Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.