Yes, Ironspell, There is a Santa Claus by M. H. Bonham

Author:M. H. Bonham [Bonham, M. H.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: urban fantasy
Publisher: Llaughing Llama Media, LLC
Published: 2020-12-22T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eight

“My name is Vetr, not Houston.” The Jotun was still arguing.

“It’ll soon be ‘Squash.’ As in, I’m going to squash you…” A rough voice came out of the portal as it opened. Vetr turned in time to see the most butt-ugly creature walk through the Gateway as it opened.

Imagine, if you would, if a goat had fucked a really ugly person. Now, ramp that up times ten, and you might come close to the Krampus. Goats are mostly cute—but don’t tell Vetr I said that because he would just go there about my affinity for goats. Not that I have an affinity, mind you.

Anyway, as I was saying, goats are mostly cute, but cute isn’t a word that anyone would use to describe Krampus. He had glowing red, goat-like eyes, long goat horns, a long-haired, black and white pelt, and goat hooves. The rest of him was humanoid-ish with white skin, an albino mane on his head, and claws with sharpened nails. His jagged teeth looked like a bad version of Jotun dentition, but was much longer and scarier.

And he was wearing a Santa Claus hat. I kid you not.

“Uh, Mister Krampus? We’d like to have a word with you.” I smiled weakly in an attempt to look reassuring.

“How dare you try to break into my world.” Krampus glared at us both. “You have no right to come here.”

“On the contrary. We spoke with Hel, and she agreed we could speak with you.” Vetr looked somewhat bored. “You have some children who need to be returned to their homes.”

Krampus roared and swung a cat-o-nine tails at me. Each end of the whip had a nasty barb. I leapt back, barely avoiding the lashes as they came down. “Hey! That’s not nice! We just want to talk with you about the kids.”

That infuriated him more and he swung the whip around while I dove and rolled away. Yeah, I didn’t want to be anywhere near those barbs.

“Need some help?” Vetr sighed.

“Yeah, something less lethal than what I’ve got.” Although I was seriously considering deadly force at this point.

“Why don’t you cast your ice spell?” The Jotun suggested.

“What? This isn’t training class.” I dodged another lash and charged Krampus. He didn’t expect me getting inside his guard and slamming my hand against his fur pelt as he turned to bring the whip down. To his annoyance, the barbs caught his fur as he tried to take aim at me. I withdrew my hand as his pelt caught on fire.

Krampus screamed and batted at the flames, only he caught his paw on the barbs, which dug into his hand. He spun around like a mad thing and ran into the portal. We dove into it before it snapped shut.

~ * ~

Reality is full of pocket universes. Our own universe is actually one of the biggest dimensions out there, which is why universes that don’t constantly expand seem impossible to most Normals. Some physicists and archmages who research these types of things claim most of the smaller dimensions are mere spinoffs of our own universe.

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