Winter's Graces by Susan Avery Stewart PhD

Author:Susan Avery Stewart, PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2018-03-14T16:00:00+00:00

The italicized caveat in the preceding paragraph is vitally important because without the tempering effects of wisdom and other qualities, fierceness can easily become destructive, rather than life-giving. A good friend in her seventies (I’ll call her “Rachel”) recently shared a difficult experience that exemplifies the blend of courage, compassion, and wisdom that necessary fierceness entails.

Over a period of months, three young women had come to Rachel separately, each conflicted or otherwise distressed about her sexual involvement with the leader of their spiritual community. Some of these liaisons overlapped in time, and the leader had insisted that each keep her relationship with him secret. (Similar incidents, decades before, had occurred and ostensibly been dealt with by the co-leader of the group, who had since died.) When it became clear that the leader was continuing to misuse his position to pursue affairs with students, Rachel knew she needed to do something.

She spoke to the teacher privately first and urged him to get counseling, but his initial response was denial. Then he admitted some of the involvements, but he blamed the students for seducing him. He expressed no remorse, no sense of wrongdoing, and no intention to alter his life in any way. At that point, Rachel felt a moral responsibility to inform the community about his behavior so that further incidents might be prevented.

I was impressed by her courage and also by her obvious compassion for the leader, as well as for the women who had come to her for support. Once the information became public, reactions were strong and varied. Many in the community expressed relief and gratitude that the truth had come out (some of them had known about one or another of the affairs). A few others defended the leader, insisted on his innocence, and attacked Rachel for making trouble. Some of the accusations were vicious, and Rachel’s response was a beautiful example of necessary fierceness: a mix of kind forbearance and a firm refusal to deny what she knew to be true.

Rachel knew that she needed to break the silence, and communication is more open as a result. Months later, events are still unfolding, and the outcome is uncertain, as it always is when we dare to say what must be said without knowing where it will lead.

Here is a story from Iceland, in which the old woman’s capacity for necessary fierceness is starkly apparent. It is reminiscent of the myths of Durga and Sechmet, in that a powerful force is moving toward senseless destruction and must be stopped. This heroine understands what must be done, though it will horrify everyone. When the time is ripe, she enlists the help of her son in an act that is as fierce as it is necessary. The example here is extreme, but the story illustrates the collaborative courage of later life as well as the differences between necessary fierceness and vengeance.

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