Why Is My Child in Charge? by Claire Lerner

Author:Claire Lerner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2021-06-10T00:00:00+00:00

The Outcome

When they first implement the safe space plan, it is tough. There is a lot of screaming and throwing things against the door. In anticipation of this, Charlotte and Kevin had replaced some of the toys that could be dangerous with a variety of rubber and foam objects that can be safely hurled, smashed, and stomped on. Still, they install the old video monitor back in his bedroom so they can be sure he is not in any real danger. Like most parents in similar situations, during the eye of the storm, Charlotte’s and Kevin’s worry is that separating from him in his time of distress is damaging to Alex. But they remind themselves of what the alternative looks like, which helps them stay the course.

After five minutes, Charlotte peeks through the opening that the “door helper” makes possible. Alex says he will be calm but then starts throwing foam balls at her, so she calmly lets him know that she sees he needs more time and that she’ll be back in five minutes. When she returns, he asks for a bear hug. They sit quietly for a few minutes. Then, Alex says, “I don’t know why I can’t make my body behave.” Charlotte acknowledges how distressing that must feel and points out that he actually did a great job of calming down in this instance: “You were in the ‘red zone’ and were able to get your mind and body calm again. I can see that feels so much better.” She wants to reinforce Alex’s belief that he can learn to soothe himself and to show she has confidence in him to be able to do just that.

Once the storm is over, Charlotte tells the story of what happened matter-of-factly. Recall that the trigger for the meltdown was Charlotte’s asking Alex to be careful putting down his cup on the fragile glass table. He started shouting at her to stop using that word, “fragile,” and then started kicking her. Charlotte recounts: “I asked you to be gentle when you put your cup down on the glass table because it is fragile and can break. You didn’t like that I gave you this direction. You became very distressed and lost control of your words and your body.” She pauses to give Alex time to respond. He doesn’t say anything but he is calm and seems like he is taking this in. Charlotte then asks whether he thought she was angry at him or was criticizing him. He nods his head affirmatively. She tells him that people sometimes hear things in a way that the other person doesn’t mean. She was just trying to be helpful—to give him information about what her expectation was. That is her job as a mom. She is going to help him feel more comfortable with accepting guidance because that is part of life. She reminds him that at school he is great at accepting and following the teacher’s directions, and she is going to help him do this at home, too.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.