Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie & Shannon Thomas

Author:Jackson MacKenzie & Shannon Thomas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-01-07T16:00:00+00:00

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: I hesitated about including narcissists in this book, because I know it could cause some discomfort for survivors of cluster-B relationships. Abuse survivors often cling to these relationships in hopes that the person can change, and my goal here is actually to encourage the opposite. You cannot fix or change another person. No external source of love or compassion can change this person. It has to come from within. The narcissistic protective self is obsessed with attention, image, and winning. The protective self does not experience shame or remorse, because those things are numbed away in the body. They are often described as “heartless” and this may be because their own hearts feel like they are “missing.” The narcissistic protective self’s primary distraction tool is boredom. By keeping the narcissist constantly bored, the protective self is always seeking new types of attention or thrills and never slows down to explore its own inner world. The narcissist becomes obsessed with potential new partners, mirroring them and copying their personality so they fall in love, only to eventually become bored when that person offers their love. When narcissists harm their loved ones, they feel that it is justified because the protective self convinces them that those loved ones are bad, and have actually victimized you. The protective self is unable to admit fault or wrongdoing, because doing so would be to explore the sensation of shame, and the protective self’s entire purpose is to keep you, the narcissist, away from that shame. It can be very difficult to penetrate because it scoffs at the idea of needing help—it sees itself as superior. Even when you try to meditate, it will send you persistent messages of ridicule and derision at what a stupid idea that is. Use your mindfulness to notice that voice. To begin healing, you will need to sit with the sensation of boredom over and over again, and learn how to not act on the impulse to relieve that boredom. Use mindfulness to focus especially on sensations in the heart and stomach.

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