What Was I Supposed to Do? by Ni'cola

Author:Ni'cola
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: NCM Publishing
Published: 2021-08-15T16:00:00+00:00

Christine

“What do you mean she at the hospital by herself?” I asked. “As much fussing and cussing you have been doing, I was sure that you were at least going to be there with Harper!” I was screaming into the phone.

My aunt didn’t have any problem judging me or constantly reminding me how my lack of discipline was the reason why my life and my daughter were so fucked up.

“I have cancer, Chris. I can’t go to the hospital,” my aunt whispered into the phone.

Cancer! Why didn’t anyone tell me? I thought. I knew my life was fucked up, but I hated hearing about it. Since my brothel days, I had been living my life in a daze, either high or drunk off of something, and I hated it.

My aunt was dying and taking care of my pregnant daughter. I didn’t even know how Harper got there. One day, she was in Juvie, and the next day, she wasn’t. No one told me anything. I mean, I knew I haven’t been Mother of the Year, chasing behind James, but I was still her mother.

“Your daughter is going to Desert View, if you care. She will be delivering your grandchild alone!” Aunt Laura said and hung up in my face.

I couldn’t believe I had allowed this shit to spin out of control like this, but James was right about one thing. Harper did need me. Now, more than ever. For a long time, I thought James was brought into my life to save me, but after today, I had to stop pretending that I was weak. I needed to save myself and my child.

After Harper screamed at me, I laid alone on the couch and called James for empathy. Hell, I was doing all of this shit for him. I wanted to keep him in my life, but it was hard to hear him tell me how fucked up I was for not going. I thought I was showing everyone that we were a united front. It blew my damn mind.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sat up.

Girl! You are about to be a grandmother. Go to your daughter! I told myself.

I got into the shower to wash away the sour stench that lingered on skin from the lack of self-care the past few days. I had been in a funk, waiting on James to come over and trying not to think about Harper in Pahrump. I hated growing up there, and now, my baby was back there.

My reliance on James was the tool I used to make my daughter an enemy when I should have been protecting her.

While in the shower, I kept hearing my phone go off. I knew my aunt was upset, but after she hung up on me, I knew she was done fussing until the next big thing. So, it must have been James. It felt good to know he was staying stayed on me. It was the way I wanted my daddy to stay on me.

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