What Do You Expect? She's a Teenager! by Arden Greenspan-Goldberg

Author:Arden Greenspan-Goldberg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2011-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

PROFILE OF A VICTIM

There is no single identifying trait or defining behavior for a victim. Some of these children are randomly singled out, honestly for no particular reason other than for sport and target practice. Others do stand out. They may be perceived as too skinny, too short, too tall, too clumsy, too dumb, too smart, too nerdy, or too overweight. A victim may have rejected a bully’s offer of friendship or refused to partake in bullying activities. It’s so arbitrary. One thing is clear, though. Once a potential victim has appeared on the radar of a bully, he or she will remain there until the bully stops or is stopped. The bully will tease, ridicule, belittle, and intimidate this unfortunate soul until he or she gets the reaction he wants.

The bully gets off on provoking and getting a rise out of his/ her victim. They like throwing off their victims. Unfortunately the victim generally takes the bait and either fights, flees, or gets paralyzed. This is not a pretty sight.

I have worked with a number of victims of bullying in my private practice. One that comes to mind was a fifteen-year-old female, Gianna, who was verbally abused face to face, cyber-bullied, and physically pushed around at her school and in her neighborhood by two girls her own age. Apparently they were looking to befriend her and went about it in a very mean-spirited way. Gianna did not want to be their friend and was paying a very high price for her avoidance of them. She kept this from her parents until it was over the top. Once her parents found out, they did what any good, caring parents would do—they went to the principal. Mom and Dad’s protests fell on deaf ears with the school administration. Before they could hire a lawyer, their daughter overdosed with two bottles of sleeping pills. Luckily her stomach was pumped and she survived, but the emotional and physical damage was brutal beyond belief.

The mom contacted me, and before I even saw her daughter, I advised her to get Gianna out of the school and, if possible, put her up with her aunt in another part of the state that they all lived in. Within a few days, she was attending a much smaller public school, living in a safer environment with her mother’s sister, and feeling so much better. The painful emotional work with me lay ahead, but she could face it now that her mind, body, and spirit were safe. She loved her new school, made friends, and sprang back to herself. She had a very hard time forgiving herself for the overdose and swore she did not mean to kill herself. It was just that she had to stop the pain. Mom and Dad felt so guilty for not intervening sooner. Yes, it’s so important to be aware of your child’s well-being, but how do you do that when your daughter is acting like everything is okay, and doesn’t want to share because she is rightfully expecting a backlash?

(P.

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