We Need to Talk Tough Conversations With Your Spouse by Paul Coleman

Author:Paul Coleman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, an F+W Media Company
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Good Follow-Throughs

Once the discussion has begun, don’t allow your frustration with the parenting issue to get in the way of speaking respectfully. You’re a team. If you don’t agree with a viewpoint, say so without sounding critical. Keep your overall goal in mind: to converse effectively enough to agree on a parenting strategy and to feel good about the marital relationship in the process.

• “You’re right, I do take a more strict approach with the kids than you do. Let’s figure out what’s best for this particular problem rather than assume one approach is always better than the other.” (Admitting one’s own limitations helps keep conversations balanced and productive.)

• “Part of our difficulty is that I’m so accustomed to dealing with the kids by myself that I don’t always want you to have a say. That isn’t fair. Because I’m so involved with the kids I do have a pretty good sense of what works and what doesn’t when it comes to discipline. So I’d like you to have a say, but I’d like you to consider my viewpoints, too.”

• “I think my problem is that when I hear you raise your voice to the kids, I get upset with you—even when you have a right to be annoyed by them. How about if I try to cut you some slack when you raise your voice, and you try to hold back from yelling when you can?”

• “We always seem to get stuck at the spot where we don’t agree on what to do. I have an idea. I want to listen to your viewpoint without challenging it until I can understand why it is so important for you that things get handled your way. Then we’ll switch roles.”

• “Ordinarily I’d just give in right now and agree to do things your way, but that only makes me resentful and I don’t want to do that anymore. We need to come up with a plan that feels fair to both of us.”

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