Undiluted Hocus-Pocus: The Autobiography of Martin Gardner by Martin Gardner

Author:Martin Gardner [Gardner, Martin]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, pdf
Publisher: Princeton University Press
Published: 2013-09-29T16:00:00+00:00

13

THE NAVY, II

ASIDE FROM BERMUDA AND CUBA’S GITMO BAY, ENGLAND was the only foreign nation I was able to visit during my sea years, and then only the city of Liverpool. Many of its buildings were still in ruins from Hitler’s bombs. I became familiar with the pubs on Lime Street where the hookers congregated. I recall helping a young prostitute put on her overcoat. She said something in a dialect that I interpreted as “Sir, your kindness is crushing.” At a great used bookstore I bought several books by William James, which I mailed to my parents to keep for me. The young woman who sold me the books had a great smile that revealed several missing front teeth. Believe it or not, I had learned somehow that Liverpool was headquarters for England’s Auguste Comte Society. Thinking its building might have a museum or a shop, I actually walked to the building, only to find it locked.

The Pope had an unintended clown on board whose name I withhold in case he had children who might be living. Call him X. He was constantly asking for a transfer to land on the grounds of frequent bedwetting. One night, when as usual we were sailing darkened ship (even a match flame on deck might be seen by a German sub), X was on duty as a bridge lookout. Suddenly he turned on a huge searchlight! He wanted to see the time on his wristwatch!

We had a mascot on board, a friendly mongrel dog named Seaweed. One day, after being kept awake by Seaweed barking, I said to X that the dog was becoming a nuisance, and someone should toss him overboard. Next day Seaweed vanished. To this day I have twinges of conscience because I suspect X had taken me seriously. X’s father was a southern farmer. One day X showed me a letter from his dad. It was signed, “Sincerely yours,” followed by a full name signature.

In some ways X was far from stupid. Occasionally a motion picture would be shown on the fantail. Of course it would draw a large audience. To obtain a close-up seat, X found he could sit behind the screen and see the film in mirror image form!

When not working in the yeoman’s shack, I had two other duties. One was steering the ship during the night midwatch, and the other was sitting on the bridge as a starboard lookout. I have happy memories of white foam rushing past the ship’s sides, the wind in my face, and that great line in mind from John Masefield’s “Sea Fever,” “ … the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.” There always were seagulls flying close to the ship, waiting for garbage to be tossed overboard.

DEs, I should mention, are small enough to be constantly swaying in choppy seas. After going aboard, I was so sick for three days that I considered going AWOL (absent without leave) as soon as the ship docked, but after several days I felt great and was never sick again.

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