Understand to Be Understood: By Using the Process Communication Model by Gerard Collignon & Pascal Legrand

Understand to Be Understood: By Using the Process Communication Model by Gerard Collignon & Pascal Legrand

Author:Gerard Collignon & Pascal Legrand [Collignon, Gerard & Legrand, Pascal]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Business & Economics, Human Resources & Personnel Management
ISBN: 9781524532031
Google: cKRqDQAAQBAJ
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
Published: 2016-10-21T23:47:04.389944+00:00


Masks of second-degree miscommunication

Drooper Mask

Masks of second-degree miscommunication

Behavioral position: “I’m Not OK – You’re OK”

Myth: You, things or situations can make me feel bad emotionally.

Harmonizer

Failure mechanism: Makes mistakes

Cover-up emotion: Sadness, confusion

In second-degree distress a Harmonizer wears the Drooper mask and “feels” helpless. He or she will make “stupid”, involuntary mistakes and thereby gain negative recognition for the person.

Psychological maneuvers: Doesn’t understand something that they usually do understand; invites others to punish and reject them.

The Harmonizer who is short on recognition for the person is prone to overadapt and agree to take on work or to do things that they may not want to do, or are not able to do. (This is driven by their Please Driver). In second-degree they make mistakes. Consciously – or, more usually, unconsciously – they are attracting negative recognition for the person, inviting criticism for their mistakes rather than being told how valued they are. Simply making mistakes is not an indication that the person is a Harmonizer in distress; everyone makes mistakes occasionally. However, the distressed Harmonizer is making mistakes to gain negative recognition for the person, because they are lacking in positive recognition. In their Drooper mask they find it hard to separate negative feedback for their mistakes from criticism of their person, real or perceived, even if given from an “OK-OK” position. Harmonizers also need sensory recognition, i.e., all five senses need to be accounted for. In second-degree distress a Harmonizer who does not have these needs met, for example they are not touched often, do not have good sounds, tastes, colors or smells in their environment, may set themselves up to have these needs met negatively. For example, they may not bathe regularly, may wear “scruffy” clothes, or overeat to attract negative attention. One Harmonizer I knew had a wonderful display of potted plants in her office. I had a meeting with her one day and entered her office to discover the plants were all dried out and dying. When I enquired if she was well, she told me in a sad and small voice that her long-term partner had decided he no longer wanted the relationship. “He has left me,” she said, and told me that she felt rejected and unloved. She also emphasized that she was missing cuddles and the feel of his touch on her skin (not sexual, but sensual).

Imaginer

Failure mechanism: Withdraws

Cover-up emotion: Feeling inadequate, unimportant

In second-degree distress an Imaginer wears the Drooper mask and waits passively, becomes distant and seems to “disappear”.

Psychological maneuvers: Few, because Imaginers in second-degree distress go into withdrawal and maneuvers require a minimum of two people.

People in an Imaginer Phase need positive solitude, i.e., time for themselves. The Drooper mask for the Imaginer type is subtle. This is the least obvious of all the masks, because at first glance they appear to be “Computer”. The person’s problem remains internal and they passively wait for instructions. Upon closer inspection, however, we will see the Drooper mask with eyes focused on the middle distance rather than engaging in regular eye contact.



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