The World's Best Dad During and After Divorce by Paul Mandelstein
Author:Paul Mandelstein
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781641703628
Publisher: Familius
Published: 2020-02-14T16:00:00+00:00
DONâT BE A JERK
Coming to a financial settlement when youâre wounded and angry is most likely going to put you out there on the edge between reason and sanity. As Irving, from one of the menâs groups confessed, âIf I were a bull, Iâd have gone on a rampage. It made me crazy sitting there in court and hearing what was coming down. I just heard a big sucking sound and knew my financial future was getting flushed out to sea. Sure, I saw red. And I wanted revenge at that moment. But my sister had been coaching me for several weeks, reminding me that I might have to accept that I was going to be the sacrificial lamb in all this. But she reminded me; I really do love my kids and want the best for them. And once upon a time, I loved Lori, too, or those kids wouldnât have ever come into this world. My sister kept telling me, âdonât forget Lori is the mother of your children, Irv. Be cool! Be patient. Give it space.â Iâm glad I took her advice. It took a while, but Lori and I are okay with each other now. Not friends exactly, but not enemies, either.â
Your ex might do some pretty outrageous things to you as she makes an effort to vent all her feelings. But no matter what she says or does, remember that you are responsible for your own actions. You may get needled and needled and needled until you want to lash out or counter-attack. But if you do, you will pay for it dearly. Do not fall into that trap. Donât be a jerk in the heat of the moment. That could mean practicing superhuman restraint.
Allow me to be perfectly clear concerning the consequences of losing your restraint. When Mom and Dad get into big battles in front of the kids, or if you get so out of control that you resort to physical threats, you can end up with a restraining order against you, preventing you from going anywhere near your children or your ex. You may be pretty cool headed most of the time, but Iâve had two acquaintances I consider to be very sane and reasonable men really go over the edge during divorce negotiations. They both ended up enrolling in anger management classes, giving proof to the courts that it was safe to lift the restraining orders their exes filed against them. Why am I telling you this? Because many of us donât know how to best monitor our own stress levels. We fool ourselves into believing weâre on top of things. And then, the heat suddenly goes up a mere two degrees and we lose it.
If you feel youâre on the edge of losing that last bit of reason youâve been clinging to, do something before you blow up. If youâre having trouble with anger, look around for a good anger management class. Talk it over with a good therapist, remembering
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