The Woman's Book of Courage by Sue Patton Thoele

Author:Sue Patton Thoele
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609253035
Publisher: Mango Media

I am optimistic.

I say “Yes” to life.

I am light and I reflect light to others.

Uncovering What We Want

TRADITIONALLY WOMEN HAVE BEEN TAUGHT to acquiesce to the wants of others. They come first, whoever they are. Most of us were weaned on the idea that it is more blessed to give than to receive and it is difficult to break the pattern of denying our own wants. Going to the opposite extreme by adopting a selfishly militant attitude of “I'll do what I want and to hell with you!” doesn't get us the love and connection we want, even with ourselves. But there is a happy medium. A calm and centered knowledge that it is okay for us to have wants is essential to finding the balance.

If we have covered up our wants for a long time, we need to start gently by allowing ourselves to take a small-step approach to honoring our wants. For instance, Sylvia is a movie buff. She loves everything about going to the movies. Her husband is much more selective. For years she wouldn't go to the movies unless he wanted to go also. One day she garnered the courage to calmly and kindly decide it was okay for her to go, no matter what he wanted to do. That small movie-step Sylvia took years ago has grown into an innate knowing that she can make her own choices.

Making our own choices, and having the courage to overcome our them-first, memaybe- never training brings freedom to our lives and our relationships. Our desires are valid and being aware of them is essential.

Sit quietly and think (or perhaps write) of a time when you deferred to someone else. Ask yourself what you wanted in that particular instance. Now imagine yourself making the choice gently but firmly to do what you wanted. If it feels uncomfortable, reassure yourself that you have the right to have wants and needs. Daily, practice asking yourself, “What is my choice? What do I want and need now?”

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