The Single Mum's Survival Guide by Smith Vivienne;

Author:Smith, Vivienne;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
Published: 2014-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

ONGOING SUPPORT FOR THE CHILDREN

Dealing With Their Grief and Their

Behaviour When They “Act Out”

What They Are Going Through

Rules and Values

School Plays and Holidays

As I sit down to write this chapter I have a memory, a little snapshot of the days when I first became a single Mum. My son’s teacher spoke to me about something that he’d forgotten to do (or rather I’d forgotten to get him to do, as he was still quite small then and couldn’t be expected to take responsibility for his learning–something that he does so brilliantly these days). Anyway, she wasn’t cross or anything, just giving me a gentle reminder. That was the week when I was coming to terms with the news that the children had already met my husband’s new partner. I was the last to know about the meeting and I was just distraught about it at the time. The minute the teacher finished speaking I discovered to my horror that tears were welling up and before I could stop myself, I started sobbing. I’m sure the poor woman couldn’t work out what she’d said to provoke this flood of emotion! She was very sweet and sat me down on one of the tiny children’s chairs and gave me a tissue and ten minutes to calm myself down. Throughout their time at school I always informed the boys’ teachers of any issues at home so that they could be aware and keep a special eye out for any behaviour that would indicate they needed a bit of help and understanding with everything they were going through. They’ve always been so good at school and I didn’t want them to get told off for not behaving normally or not concentrating when they had such a good reason to be “below par”. It was embarrassing at first to admit that ours wasn’t a standard happy family but then, with the divorce rates being what they are these days, I realised that ours would also not be an isolated case.

Kayleigh I don’t know if it was because of things going on with his father, but my son was a really strong-willed child and I do remember there were times when he didn’t want to go to day care and then there were times when he didn’t want to leave! There was one time that I was just so tired and I still remember this so clearly. He just started throwing a fit and he was crying. He was little, about 5 years old, and I broke down. The day care director took me to one side and put her arm around me. I was at my wits’ end, I think–there was just so much going on, just normal stuff, just mom stuff. It was so nice of her to do that, though. My son did start giving me problems with his behaviour and not doing his homework for school around 11 or 12. That was the time that he decided not to see his dad any more, so it must have been linked but at the time I didn’t realise that.

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