The Propriety Failure: A Pride and Prejudice Variation by Mann Wade H

Author:Mann, Wade H
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-08-24T00:00:00+00:00

15. The West Parlour

Elizabeth would eventually consider the next two days the second and third most aggravating of her life, and she had to dig back to Ramsgate to top them. Mr Collins had all the staying power of a medicinal leech with none of the healing properties. No matter where she went or what she did, she found the man hovering about. She thought her assertion that spending £800 on windows was frivolous or naïve would put the man off, but it was a dismal failure, as he seemed to only hear what he wanted.

By the time luncheon was finished on Thursday, she was seriously rethinking being polite and kind to everyone. She tried several stratagems like those she had used against Miss Bingley, but her cousin was so dense he did not comprehend the chastisement. She even took a few runs at Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s judgement, asserting that some of her advice was pure folly for anyone with the slightest bit of common sense, but Collins simply corrected her and carried on.

She was ready to scream when Hill announced visitors. “Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley.”

Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst entered the room looking much like the haughty ladies of the Meryton assembly until Elizabeth mouthed the word ‘truce.’ Miss Bingley surprised her by breaking into a smile and a laugh, causing Elizabeth to wonder if the lady was having it on with her.

Charlotte arrived five minutes later and the group promptly expelled Collins, much to everyone’s relief.

Miss Bingley asked, “Who is that…” at which point she tapered off, trying (and failing) to find polite vocabulary?

Lydia was happy to help. “Odd creature? Nonsensical man? Lunkhead?”

“I was not planning to say any of those.”

“But you were thinking them,” Elizabeth asserted with a grin.

“They do come to mind easily.”

The Bingley sisters burst into a fit of laughter, which was as surprising as anything that happened during the week. Within minutes, the ladies were discussing Collins with all the aplomb of a few gossipy old men with nothing better to do. Then, tea occupied the ladies for a half-hour.

Miss Bingley eventually asked, “Miss Lucas, Miss Elizabeth suggested you might help me with my needlework. This piece is trying my patience to the limit.”

“It would be my pleasure,” Charlotte answered with a smile. “You should be aware Eliza’s needlework is so atrocious she has no right to express an opinion, and the only thing she can boast of is enough sense to point you elsewhere.”

Caroline looked at Elizabeth and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Elizabeth smiled to acknowledge the hit and simply nodded her permission.

“Do all your friends call you Eliza?”

“My family and friends call me Lizzy. The only ones to use Eliza are the Lucas family and you,” she said with a smirk.

Miss Bingley nearly choked on her tea but recovered quickly. “I am pleased to join their company. You are the only one to call me Lina.”

Elizabeth had her own difficulties sputtering, so the ever-helpful Lydia slapped her on the back a few times—though fortunately with less vigour than she applied to their hapless cousin.

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