The Pleasures of Men by Kate Williams

Author:Kate Williams
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Hyperion
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

My mother suffered from headaches. They would come on in a moment. She said they were like a color spreading across her forehead, which started pink and ended a bright, bloody red. We became used to the signs of one beginning. Her face would turn a little pale and her walking would slow. She said later that it was as if bells rang through her mind and her whole head had become a tower, echoing, and the ropes swung through her. Then her eyes would flutter. That was when the lights came in her pupils, and we knew we had lost her for the next few hours, sometimes even days. Her headaches became more severe as we grew older. One day, with me, she fainted in the middle of a shop off St. James’s. After that she was nervous of leaving the house with me. With my father or Louis, she felt safer.

And so the three of us had come to be in Spitalfields. There was a merchant Mama wanted to visit. She had heard from a friend that the cloth he sold was particularly fine, went straight to the court, and never to any dressmaker or haberdashery. We had not been east before, and we took the carriage, staring from the windows at the newness of it all—the bustle, the dirt, the crowds. The coachman stopped outside the address, and I sat downstairs in a small, dark waiting room while Louis escorted my mother upstairs. They returned, some time later, with arm-fuls of material.

When the old man opened the door for us, the carriage was not there. Instead, the street came upon us—the grime, the dirt, animals, and people.

“Probably forced to drive to the end,” said the old man. “They move them on sometimes from here. My apologies, ma’am.” He offered to escort us farther, but Mama shook her head. We were too proud.

And so we set off, my mother wearing her bravest face, keeping her skirts clear of the mud. A child caught at her hand. She shook him off and clutched Louis’s arm. We arrived at the end of the street, and the carriage was not there.

“Left,” said Louis. “I am sure that is the way we came. That way takes us toward the main road. The carriage must surely be there.”

We walked through the people and past houses that looked as if they were about to topple on us, and Mama held our arms tightly. Every person looked the same. An old woman thrust out her blanket at us, and Louis swerved. Children laughed at us, loudly. And then I felt my mother’s grip loosen. Louis and I turned at the same time, and her face was going pale.

“Don’t, Mama,” said Louis. “Don’t be ill.”

But she was bending and her eyes were fluttering.

“Please,” said Louis. “Mama, you can’t.” He pushed her upright. “Please.”

Her eyes were full of fear. “I cannot avert it.”

“No one will help us. No one. You must try.”

“I cannot. It is coming.”

“So what shall we do?”

“Please, Mama,” I said.

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