The Parents' Phrase Book by Whit Honea

Author:Whit Honea [Honea, Whit]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4405-7075-9
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2014-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

There is a reason why civil wars are especially painful. (Not that any war is a bed of roses, except, of course, the actual Wars of the Roses. But I digress.) A civil war is especially painful because it literally pits sibling against sibling. There are no winners here.

Obviously, sibling rivalry isn’t the same as a civil war, but on a smaller, more intimate scale, it can be pretty upsetting to watch—especially for the parents of those involved. Plus, you have to get two separate uniforms. It’s all so time-consuming.

Luckily, most sibling rivalry is based more on heated competition than on acts of war, although you wouldn’t know it from the level of insults being traded. Each just wants to beat the other. There can be only one winner.

TYPICAL PHRASE YOU MAY HEAR: I’m better than you.

VARIATION: You suck.

Some kids compete in order to showcase their superiority, while others aim to prove that their siblings aren’t as good—there is a difference. Frankly, the latter just seems mean.

You can’t do much to check their competitive spirit (and you shouldn’t), but you can do your best to downplay the importance of winning. Yes, this might go against the grain for many people, but is there really any benefit in acknowledging one child as better than the others? These things are contagious and can spill over into other parts of the sibling relationship.

It is fine to praise something special that one child has achieved; in fact, she should be lauded. But you and she don’t need to celebrate by putting down another kid.

WHAT TO SAY: Doing something better doesn’t mean you are a better person.

VARIATIONS: You both did a great job. I’m proud of both of you.

That’ll larn ’em. The reply is common sense, but it needs to be reiterated from time to time. Besting someone in competition does not mean bettering him or her in life. You can point out that different people have different skill sets and leave it at that.

WHAT NOT TO SAY: You aren’t as good as your brother.

VARIATION: Your sister is better than you.

Nobody casts a shadow like a successful sibling, and even though his or her accomplishments are something to be celebrated, they should not evoke negative comparisons with others. That isn’t fair to anyone and can lead to resentment between children when there should be nothing but pride and support.

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