The Mothers of Reinvention by Jennifer Pate

Author:Jennifer Pate
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Vanguard Press
Published: 2011-12-01T00:00:00+00:00

We love that Anne understands who her husband is, where he excels, and what his limitations are. We could all use a lesson in that. It would help all our marriages.

LET GO, LET GROW

If the responsibility for taking care of the children always falls on you, how are you ever going to find time to reinvent? Finding time for yourself has to be scheduled. As we talked about in the last chapter, as you start feeling your way through it, taking baby steps, you’ll see the opportunities. You’re going to impress yourself by how creative you can be.

You’ve realized there’s a void in your life, and you’ve spent time trying to identify what the void is. Now is the time for you to start taking concrete steps to start moving toward fulfillment. Remember, no matter how others (and, incidentally, yourself) may try to make you feel about it, this is not selfish. Your reinvention will do wonders for you, which will in turn make you a better mother, wife, and woman. Not only will your family benefit, but so will your employees, your friends, and anyone you interact with over the course of a day. You’ll have happiness and fulfillment lighting your soul, and it will shine out of you to enlighten and enrich others. This is truly a universal win-win, but it probably won’t seem that way to anyone at first.

How badly do you want this reinvention? We’re going to be honest with you here: You’re going to be met with resistance in many different ways and even from many different people—and that includes yourself.

We mentioned in previous chapters that you’re going to have to let go of your guilt and your expectations. You also have to ease up on your expectations of others. If you’re going to call on your mother to take your kids for a few hours in the evening, you’ll have to take a deep breath and accept that she might let them watch The Bachelor and feed them chocolate even when they haven’t finished their dinners. You’ll have to accept that if your kids don’t eat lunch or dinner on time when left with your husband, they are not going to die. They may be obnoxious, but at least for the time being, that’s his problem, not yours.

You are probably going to have to fight with your husband from time to time and even incur some level of judgment from your family. But that doesn’t matter. You have to keep striving, for yourself and in spite of yourself. It’s not going to be easy, especially when you’re probably outnumbered by people who have been enjoying the status quo at your expense. They are going to fight the change, and you are going to fight back, but learn to do it in a way that increases the love and connection, not destroys it. Your reinvention has to be as necessary to you as blood and breath, and you have to treat it that way.

Jen

It’s taken a long time to re-create our roles in the family.

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