The McVentures of Me, Morgan McFactoid by Mark S. Waxman

Author:Mark S. Waxman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sky Pony Press
Published: 2015-12-11T05:00:00+00:00

SNOLLYGOSTER SYNDROME

The cafeteria was noisy and crowded. Robin was eating at a table surrounded, as always, by her girlfriends. They were all talking loudly, each competing for Robin’s attention. They dressed like Robin. They talked like Robin. It was clear they wanted to be like Robin—and to be liked by Robin.

I sat down at an empty table nearby. She knew I was there but didn’t bother talking to me or even acknowledging my presence.

I waited until each of Robin’s posse, one by one, bused their dirty dishes to the kitchen area, leaving Robin alone—a rare sight. I quickly picked up my lunch tray, moved to Robin’s table, and sat across from her. We were alone.

“It wasn’t a fluke,” I said.

Robin wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin.

“I ran some more tests like you said,” I yelped, trying to contain my excitement.

She looked away.

“Hair grew on Taxi again.”

She pushed her chicken salad around her plate.

“And on wood.”

She smoothed her blouse.

“And on brick.”

She finished her drink.

“And on steel.”

She picked up her tray, stood, and took a step to leave.

“And on Buckholtz,” I said, revealing the vial around my neck. “I brought some drops to school.”

Robin scowled, her eyes finally meeting mine.

“Fact: it takes more muscles to frown than to smile,” I said. “So, enjoy the news. And smile.” She remained silent, but maintained eye contact.

“Humans, Robin. It works on humans!” She slowly sat back down, expressionless. “If you consider Buckholtz a human,” I added. She wasn’t amused. “I haven’t figured out the right dosage or how long it lasts, but Hair Today is here to stay! Hey, Hair Today is Hair to Stay. Not a bad advertising slogan, is it?”

As Robin was digesting all this along with her chicken salad, Buckholtz plunked down next to me with a thump. I thought the chair was going to collapse. Jerry and Donald, his idiot friends, stood behind him. They were like bodyguards, except without the muscles. Buckholtz still had his facial hair, but I could see that it was beginning to disappear. Note to self: it appears that the Hair Today lotion needs to be applied in greater quantity or be reapplied frequently in order for it to last longer on humans. Further testing is required.

Buckholtz put his nose an inch from mine. We were eye to eye. I swallowed and remembered this fact: a person’s eyes are always the same size from birth, but noses and ears never stop growing.

“Look at me, Hairy,” he said. “See anything different on my face?”

“It’s whiskery,” I said, hoping his facial hair would last at least through our conversation. “You’re no longer the only one man enough to grow a beard around here,” Buckholtz bragged.

“So I guess that means—”

“No, Hairy. I always keep my promises, remember? I’m still going to shave you after gym. And I’m still gonna throw in a free buzz cut while I’m at it.” He leaned across the lunch table and jutted his prickly chin in Robin’s face, “Go ahead, touch it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.