The Heart of the Fight by Judith Wright Edd & Bob Wright Edd

Author:Judith Wright Edd & Bob Wright Edd [Edd, Judith Wright & Edd, Bob Wright]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM030000 Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long Term Relationships
ISBN: 9781626252578
Amazon: 1626252572
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2016-02-01T18:30:00+00:00

There was a time when my whole worldview and perspective changed when I learned about projections. I began to see that there was no one out there but me. My husband and every person that I was really mad at, hated, blamed, and even admired was just an aspect of myself that I was projecting. After this, I literally began to treat him and others differently and began to get to know myself for the first time (Wright 2008).

Learning to reclaim projections is key to intimacy and unlocking fights. You can’t be intimate with someone you don’t know or can’t see, which is what happens when you coat your experience of them with your past. Intimacy also requires knowing yourself and that means recognizing how you create your reality based on forces from the past.

When I realized how much I had made Bob pay for wrongs he didn’t commit, I was truly remorseful. I realized that I was punishing him because of people in my past that I transferred onto him. I hadn’t been seeing Bob for who he was. I had been interpreting his behaviors from my past schema, often coating him with a negative wash, ascribing negative motivations to him that weren’t his, “hearing” a tone of voice that wasn’t there. Once I started reclaiming my projections and understanding what was really getting triggered for me, I could take it back to the source, rather than project onto Bob. Now I am more conscious of my projections; I notice when my charges and reactions are beyond what the situation calls for; I am more able to see what is going on. More importantly, I am clearer and more conscious, and can more accurately see Bob for who he is, and appreciate and love him even more fully.

Reclaim Your Projection: Find Your Triggers from the Past

• What’s this to me?

• What about this bothers me so much?

• What feels familiar about this?

• When did I feel this way before?

• Who does this remind me of?

• What mistaken belief is triggered?

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