The Happy Stepcouple by Rachelle Katz

Author:Rachelle Katz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2019-10-15T16:00:00+00:00

NEW BELIEF: I DON’T HAVE TO BE BURDENED BY PAST GRUDGES. I CAN LIVE IN THE MOMENT, EXPERIENCE ALL FEELINGS, AND TACKLE PROBLEMS WITH MY PARTNER AS THEY OCCUR.

Are you holding on to a grudge from times in the past when your partner hurt you? While you may not have received the comfort and compassion you needed at that time, a grudge isn’t going to heal that emotional wound. Plus, it locks you into victimhood, which robs you of power. If you want to feel more in control of your life as well as free up space in your brain for peace and contentment, consider letting go of any grudges you are holding.

Before letting go of a grudge, you have to know what caused it. Kevin realized he held a grudge against Julia for the times she criticized his parenting style. Being a good father was an essential part of his identity, and he felt she was criticizing the very core of his being. While he understood he wasn’t parenting his son to the best of his abilities, he resented and was angry with Julia for constantly pointing it out. But Julia had no idea Kevin was holding a grudge. After a fight, she would apologize for the mean comments she made about him. Kevin would nod his head, but he never told Julia how much she hurt him and that he was forming a grudge that prevented him from trusting her. After a particularly bad conflict, he finally blurted out that he remembered all the other times she yelled at him and that he would leave her if she didn’t stop criticizing him.

This revelation was a major turning point for both Julia and Kevin. She recognized that her criticisms threatened their future together. To remain with Kevin, she had to be more mindful of how she expressed her frustration to him. It wasn’t acceptable to lose her temper in the heat of the moment. Kevin also recognized he wasn’t a total victim and that he shared some responsibility for Julia’s outbursts. The more he withdrew, the angrier she became. If he had been willing to continue these conversations with Julia, she would not have lost her temper. Consequently, he would not have been angry and resentful of her for lashing out. Kevin needed to make changes in the way he communicated during conflicts with Julia. He had to stop using the avoidant step of the stepcouple shuffle.

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