The Hamptons Dictionary by Miles Jaffe

Author:Miles Jaffe
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781934708200
Publisher: Red Wheel Weiser

M

Manhattan blonde n. Any one of thousands of indistinguishable blonde women fully bedecked in a tourist uniform consisting of tennis whites, jodhpurs and riding boots, etc., accessorized with diamond jewelry and Chanel or other brand name purse. See jet blonde.

manny (man'·ee) n. 1. A male nanny. 2. A mannequin seated in the driver's seat of a parked police car positioned so as to deter speeders.

manscaping n. The art of shaving and trimming one's body hair.

marginally rich adj. Barely able to afford to live in the Hamptons. See destitute.

marketecture n. 1. The architecture of SPEC houses. 2. A style of architecture concerned solely with maximizing the sale value of speculatively developed real estate. A house with the maximum number of bedrooms with en-suite baths, a swimming pool, SHOW KITCHEN, security system, faux classical detailing, etc., applied in a manner to give the appearance of scale and opulence at the least possible expense. See featuritis.

mask of success n. The projection of an attitude of boredom, as if one has already seen everything worth seeing too many times. The simulation of a behavior assumed to belong to the upper class. See happy look.

mason's insurance n. Construction Industry. A panel of glass carefully set to block the flue of a newly constructed chimney. The glass is discretely broken out with a brick once full payment for the work has been received.

masstige (mas·stej') n. 1. The level of respect at which one is regarded by others for accumulation or display of mass-marketed consumer products such as Polo, BMW, Harley Davidson, Rolex, etc. 2. The prestige of owning brand name consumer goods.

master of the universe n. 1. The self-image of a person who has just purchased or rented a vacation house in the Hamptons. 2. A person who is utterly incapable of doing their own laundry. See MOTUS.

maximalism n. A distinctly American school of thought that regards bigger as better. If a 2,000 square foot house is good, a 20,000 square foot house must be better. See big.

McMansion n. 1. Tasteless architectural fast food. 2. A super-sized house. 3. An oversize house speculatively built with the cheapest materials and labor for quick sale to uneducated social climbers desperate to improve their status. A massive pseudo- or neoclassical style house built on a too-small lot and readily identified by an eyebrow roof window, fiberglass porch columns, acres of soon to be peeling paint and a Range Rover in the driveway. 4. A philistine's status symbol. 5. A house painter's dream. See annuity.

McMansion farm n. A subdivision of too-big houses crammed together on too-small lots.

McMoron n. A freshly minted multi-millionaire who rushes to the Hamptons to buy a MC-MANSION.

MDL Acronym. Mutton Dressed as Lamb. Expression. A mature woman, often in her 50's or older, who dresses as if she were in her 20's. See fifty-footer.

megacottage n. 1. An absurdly large weekend house; a McMANSION. 2. A self-defeating “getaway” house that requires substantial expense for operation and maintenance. See pig-out.

meme (mee'·mee) n. One who is excessively preoccupied with oneself. “I don't care if it's Sunday.

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