The Gravity of Nothing by Chase Connor

Author:Chase Connor [Connor, Chase]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-12-11T05:00:00+00:00

Blurred Lines

Dally and I used to play a game. We’d sit around together, usually right before and/or right after we had one of our many sexual encounters that became more and more frequent due to his need to forget that summer. If only for a few minutes. As we sat there together, we’d propose ideas about other things that we had done during that one horrific summer instead of what actually happened. Dally didn’t want to think about what had happened to us during that summer, so he wanted to live out a fantasy through conversation. So that maybe we could actually start to believe that our summer at camp hadn’t been a thing right out of nightmares.

Maybe we had caught a really big fish from the lake and when we scaled it and fileted it, we had found some old diamond ring worth thousands inside of it. Still attached to a finger, of course. Maybe we had gone exploring in the woods and run across ancient buried treasure. We had become blood brothers in some intricate ceremony in the woods around the edge of a fire we built simply by rubbing two sticks together. We were cavemen, the first men whom Prometheus had given a secret of the Gods to out of love for humankind. Two humans a God himself had adored so much that he had betrayed his own kind. That’s how beloved we were by Prometheus, this God who had saved us.

We were saved by a God instead of having been ravaged by a demon.

That was Dally’s fantasy. Things had been different. It didn’t even have to be an epic fantasy or daydream in order to counteract what John had done to us. It just had to be something romantic and fun and…not John. Dally’s fantasies ranged from the far-reaching Prometheus idea to something as simple as having won a tug-of-war competition where the two of us had been paired off against five much bigger guys.

When we had those conversations, sitting together naked, or about to get naked, I’d wonder what it felt like for Dally. That fall. Had he been Dally, the innocent, enthusiastic, energetic, and kind kid who had become my best friend in the matter of seconds and then suddenly not? Or had it been a slow transition over the course of a summer of John? Had he actually fallen, or had he shuffled downward slowly? Did he know?

After I got out of the hospital, Dally got more and more erratic. The best friend, kind and loving and attentive persona and the demanding and angry and sexually-crazed persona blurred together. Dally was less and less the guy I loved and more the guy who made me want to go back into the hospital. It’s a sad thing, wanting to commit yourself to a mental hospital just for peace and quiet from your own friend and your own mind.

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