The Girl with the Deep Blue Eyes by Lawrence Block

Author:Lawrence Block [Block, Lawrence]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781513041582
Publisher: A Lawrence Block Production
Published: 2015-09-21T21:00:00+00:00

Twenty

* * *

“The problem was I didn’t get pregnant. If I had his baby it would prove something. Don’t ask me what, but it was very important to him. And we tried and tried and tried, and we went to a fertility doctor and had tests done, and it just didn’t happen.

“His kids hated me before they even met me. I already told you that. They thought I was just interested in him for his money, and they weren’t entirely wrong about that. I was impressed with him, he’s a big powerful man and he has an aura, you know? A magnetism, even.

“But his money was a big factor. I always worked and I always got by, but I was getting tired of the struggle. It was this constant struggle. I was always sweating the rent or the car payment, always a day late and a dollar short.

“And here was this man who wanted to take care of me. He had plenty of money, he’d made something for himself on top of what his daddy left him, and his kids were grown and he wanted someone to take care of, someone to spoil.

“So I looked at what cards I was holding and I played them carefully. I wouldn’t fuck him because I was just scared to death of getting pregnant, that’s what I told him, which turned out to be ironic when my period showed up right on time every month. Instead I would give him hand jobs, until I let him talk me into using my mouth. I had to act like I didn’t know what I was doing, and bit by bit little miss virgin mouth figured out what to do, and even learned to like it.

“Maybe I should have been an actress.

“So he married me, and I finally let him put it in, and I think what ruined it all for me was the acting. I was never in love with him, but I think maybe I could have come to love him if I hadn’t sabotaged it. But when you play somebody that way you wind up having contempt for him, because he’d have to be a moron to buy your act. And because the number you’re doing on him is only justified if you tell yourself he’s an asshole and he deserves it.

“Anyway, it was okay on the surface for a while. I learned how to shop, and that was fun until it wasn’t, until the novelty wore off. Some women get addicted, they can spend their whole lives shopping, but it didn’t do much for me once I got the hang of it.

“I got tired of it. We got tired of each other. Trying to get pregnant was part of it. Having to do it on schedule, and in positions that were supposed to facilitate conception, that turned it into a job. And it was my job, you know, except I’d been trying to avoid facing up to the fact.

“Then we quit trying, and I was tired of his dick and he was tired of my pussy.

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