The Four Thoughts That F*ck You Up ... and How to Fix Them by Daniel Fryer

Author:Daniel Fryer [Fryer, Daniel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473571587
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

Finding Your ‘C’

In REBT there are eight unhealthy negative emotions and eight healthy negative emotions. That’s it. The sum total of almost all human reactions to things literally boils down to one of these emotions, or a combination thereof.

Simply put, an unhealthy negative emotion is an inappropriate emotional reaction to a challenging event or situation, while a healthy negative emotion is an appropriate emotional reaction to the same challenging event or situation.

As I mentioned earlier, REBT isn’t trying to promote positivity (although you may feel more positive) and it isn’t trying to promote neutrality (although you may feel more neutral). It is, however, promoting rationality. And, sometimes, the most rational thing you can say is, ‘Well, that sucks!’ when something goes wrong. Sometimes, it’s completely rational to feel a little concerned about the things that you find important, or very concerned about the things you find really important.

Let’s say I have an exam coming up. If my belief is ‘I must pass the exam and it will be awful if I don’t’, then I am going to make myself anxious about that up-and-coming exam. My revision will be more chaotic, my memory poor and my sleep disrupted. I will be more likely to perform poorly, or panic and not perform at all.

However, if I hold the belief ‘I would prefer to pass my exam, but I know I don’t have to pass it; it will be bad if I don’t pass, but it won’t be awful’, I’m not going to become cocky or blasé about the exam, I will still care, because I prefer to pass. So, I will have an emotional reaction to the exam, but that emotion will be concern, worry or, even, nervous excitement. As a result, my revision and memory will both be improved, as will my sleep and I will be more likely to do well on the day of the exam.

So, let’s look at the eight unhealthy negative emotions and their healthy counterparts in turn. Please bear in mind that this is a self-help book and no substitute for a good therapist, especially if you’re dealing with a number of issues or are, emotionally, at the severe end of the spectrum or are dealing with a clinical condition. So, if after reading the following, which is the briefest of introductions to each emotion, you are finding it hard to pin down the emotion, or finding it hard to sift through a set of competing emotions, it would be best to put the book down, seek out the services of a professional, and come back to it at a later date.

The eight unhealthy emotions and their corresponding healthy negative emotions are:

Anxiety Concern

Depression Sadness

Anger Annoyance

Unhealthy Jealousy Healthy Jealousy

Unhealthy Envy Healthy Envy

Guilt Remorse

Hurt Disappointment

Shame Regret

Each unhealthy emotion has its own theme (or inference) and comes with typical thoughts and behaviours attached. The eight healthy negative emotions will also come with thoughts and behaviours typical to that particular emotion. But, the related thoughts and behaviours will be more reasonable, rational and appropriate.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.