The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns by Andrea Engber & Leah Klungness

Author:Andrea Engber & Leah Klungness
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2011-06-30T00:00:00+00:00

2. Don't play fantasy games. Don't pretend that you chased the monster out of the closet or the wicked elf out from under the bed. This technique will reassure your child for the moment, but it will come back to haunt you because the monster or the wicked elf could always come back. Otherwise why would you have chased him away in the first place? Instead, show your child that there is no monster in the closet, or let her look under the bed to make sure there is no wicked elf. Do not suggest or deny that there ever was one in the closet or under the bed.

3. Do not insist that the nightmare was not real. To your child, the nightmare was very real. Assure your child calmly and reasonably that she is safe and that what happens in a nightmare can never really hurt her or bring harm to anyone.

4. Encourage your child to describe the nightmare in as much detail as possible. If your child is allowed to talk it out without being distracted by your reactions, chances are the nightmare will lose its power to terrify. Asking her to draw a picture of what was scary in the nightmare is a great idea. Also, you will learn about how your child's dreaming imagination works, what scares your child, and what may have triggered the nightmare in the first place.

5. Ask your child to describe what she could do to make things better if the same experience was to occur again. This request will cause your child to rehearse coping strategies, both consciously and subconsciously, that will help her to manage this specific nightmare if it happens again, as well as similarly upsetting nightmares and real-life situations.

6. If your child wakes up from a nightmare and is especially upset, consider letting her sleep the rest of the night with you. It's perfectly okay.

The Difference Between Nightmares and Night Terrors

I'm a single mother who is going through tremendous guilt wondering if something happened at day care because my child has terrified me a couple of times with night terrors. Actually, they may be nightmares. How can I tell, and what should I do? I feel like such a lousy parent.

Night terrors (also called delta parasomnia) are not psychologically induced, but can be dangerous, since some children sleepwalk while having them and can hurt themselves or get lost.

The way to tell if a child is having a night terror rather than a nightmare is that during a night terror he will not respond appropriately to outside stimuli even though he looks awake. Thus, your child may be screaming “Mommy, Mommy, where are you?” even though you are holding him and reassuring him that you are there.

Here are six tips to follow if your child has a night terror:

1. Don't wake him up unless it is absolutely necessary. The episode will last a few minutes, and your child might return to normal sleep with no ill effects. If you wake him up, you will panic him.

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