Sulky, Rowdy, Rude? by Bo Hejlskov Elvén

Author:Bo Hejlskov Elvén
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784504922
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2016-01-18T16:00:00+00:00

Increasing actual autonomy

This is the ultimate argument. Children can’t handle full autonomy. Adults probably can’t handle it either. This has been grasped by society and so politicians have limited our autonomy in certain areas. A good example is traffic. Parliament has decided that we are only allowed to drive on one side of the road. This is an enormous limitation of ordinary people’s autonomy, but at the same time it means that our possibilities of driving wherever we want are greatly increased. If we were allowed to choose for ourselves which side of the road we wanted to drive on, we wouldn’t be able to get very far. The decision that children must go to school is built on this argument. By deciding that all children must go to school, we increase their possibilities of choosing a career. At home, we use the autonomy argument when we limit the activities from which our children can choose if they themselves are unable to get an overview of what is actually possible. They can’t choose to go to a funfair on a Wednesday in November or to wear their best dress on an outing in the woods. Instead, we can offer possible alternatives: swinging in the backyard or colouring indoors, wearing the green trousers or the red ones. This argument also is weaker than the one about avoiding danger, so it doesn’t give us the right to force children to do anything. But persuasion while creating structure is allowed.

Increasing actual autonomy is central to being a parent. Many children don’t have the ability to structure and make good decisions about their activities. They may play the same game the whole time, because they can’t think of, or can’t choose, a different one on their own. This is not true autonomy. Some of them may need help from us to structure their activities and when to do them, through agreements or suggestions. With different options to choose from, they are able to decide for themselves. By limiting children’s options, then, we can sometimes actually increase their real autonomy.

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