101 Tips for the Parents of Boys with Autism by Ken Siri

Author:Ken Siri
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2014-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 9

Day-to-Day Life

The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and get up eight times.

—Paulo Coelho

The Daily Grind

From surviving meltdowns to toilet training to eating out, this chapter focuses on those day-to-day trials that only a special needs parent can understand. My goal here is to provide practical tips for tasks and events that occur on a regular basis, but for those of us with kids on the spectrum are challenging and frustrating and thus debilitating due to their recurring nature. Let’s start with meltdowns.

Responding to Undesirable Behavior, a.k.a. Meltdown Help!

A “tantrum” or “meltdown” is actually a call for help, a cry to notice that the stress level has overflowed its container. A word of caution to family members: Try to identify what pushed your son beyond endurance—and don’t expect it to always be the same thing. It could be noise in high-ceilinged supermarkets, or maybe it was the crowds, or smells, or any combination of these things. Always trust that there is a precipitating cause.

That said, just because your child has autism is no reason to steer clear of consequences for bad behavior. As with any child, he will smell weakness and take advantage if you let him get away with misbehavior.

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Don’t threaten a punishment you’re not prepared to enforce. If you’re not really going to cancel the birthday party, don’t say you will. Don’t count to three, or ten—your child will learn that he always has that long, and you didn’t mean it the first time. If you teach a two-year-old, gently, but firmly, that you mean what you say, you don’t have to keep teaching it—at sixteen, he will still know that you meant it the first time. Too often parents allow their children to push them around because they want to be liked, but your child will neither like nor respect you. Children crave boundaries.

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Keep your behaviors in check. We are all prone to overreaction on occasion and these potentially intense outbursts (either positive or negative) can confuse and dysregulate your son. Keeping an even keel should be your focus.

Practice deep breathing to help you stay calm during stressful times with your child. The calmer you are, the safer your child will feel, which can help prevent meltdowns from escalating even more. This is just one of the reasons for the focus on meditation and peace of mind in chapter two. Frequently meltdowns are made worse or exacerbated by the reaction from the caregiver; it’s most important not to fuel the fire.

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Set up a safe, small, quiet space that your child can use during times of frustration and anger. This gives them a comforting place of their own where they can retreat when they need a break. Likewise, when your boy is having a meltdown, try to remove others from the situation before trying to move the dysregulated child. It could help prevent the situation from escalating.

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Dealing with emotions is one of the more difficult areas for kids on the spectrum. One strategy you can follow is when your child gets emotional remember to “label” the emotion for him or her.

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