Stepwives by Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood & Louise Oxhorn

Author:Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood & Louise Oxhorn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SOC035000
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2002-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Previous life experiences will determine the type of Man in the Middle your man becomes. We are all shaped by the negative and positive messages we received as children, which may cause problems in any relationship. As adults, when situations are less complicated, we are better equipped to control the negative influences of our past. The stepwife relationship, anything but uncomplicated, may cause the Man in the Middle to revert to old childhood patterns. Check off any of the family behaviors that may affect your Man in the Middle:

___There was so much commotion in his life he couldn’t think.

___Problems were always swept under the rug.

___The relationships in his family were distant and detached.

___He was disciplined through intimidation.

___He tries to say what a person wants to hear to avoid conflict.

___He’s afraid to make his own decisions.

___He never had any fun with his family.

___He never saw his parents display affection.

___He’s afraid to do the unfamiliar.

___His parents beat him, but he felt he deserved it.

___His dad used to hit his mom.

___His parents’ love for him ran hot and cold.

As the ex-wife, you need to remember that while you were married to him, you probably felt empathy for the hurts your ex-husband experienced as a child. But at this point, you may be so far removed from any empathetic feelings toward him that you use this information as a weapon against him.

Focus on the behavior you checked off, and see if you can recapture the empathy you once felt. It doesn’t matter if you feel he has earned every one of your bad feelings toward him. If you want your life to get easier, you will have to stop seeing him as an adversary.

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